Young and stupid.....??

[KerrieOrsler]

Hey,
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Basically, I posted last year about going to turkey for a few months,
Well that has been and gone, and man do I hate living in England.

I am 22 (23 this month) I have a 2year old, no partner/lover.
I am in a dead end job, which I do enjoy, but it I will not move up the ladder (in that company)

I would like to move away from England, but I worry about my son and what sort of education he would get etc etc.

Am I just being young and stupid, Or is now the right time to do something about it, while im still young?

Im so confused, but I feel so lost when I am here in the UK, Today I spent the day with my family, and I had a really good time, but its like something is missing.

Any advise appreciated.

 

[jewel]

The grass isnt always greener, you see Turkey as your Utopia..........as a holiday destination it is great but at your age and without funds behind you life would not be the iceing on the cake. Think hard about your Son and his education and uprooting him from family and friends. The reality is that for a single Mother life would be hard if not impossible with little or no money and no chance of employment to look after you and your Son.Continue to enjoy your holidays there and maybe later on in your life the oppotunity may arise for you to fullfill your dream, you are still young and have plenty of time ahead of you, as you say you loved being round your family but felt something was missing. let me tell you that something is the heady feeling felt when we are on holiday in a warm climate without a care in the World. Please think very carefully. I expect someone will come on and say go for it buttttttt take a step back before you make any firm decision. jewel x

 

[Sunny Seasider]

Here is my feelings for your post. Young, and wanting fun times and adventure but you have a responsibility of your two year old son, don't want to sound like your Mother (altho I could be, lol), but HE must come first and foremost in your plans. If you are thinking (and I don't know) well you know the answer, if you cannot support you and your son, it is nigh on impossible to get a job there, and who could look after your boy? Yes I can feel the frustration you have, hate England etc; but where else would you be able to have the security of work, someone who looks out for you (your family), I don't know who cares for your boy whilst you are working, but would you have that peace of mind in a Foreign place, or somewhere else in the UK. Sorry for being Mumsy, I have no children of my own, but if I had I wouldn't want them to embark upon and out to a place where their life would not be as secure.

 

[KerrieOrsler]

Thank you for your honesty Jewel,
I havent spoke to anyone else about it, I do completely understand that its a whole different world from holiday and living.
And if I was to take the plunge it would not be until I had a fair amount of money behind me, so if all did go to pot, A long holiday and come home.

I havent made any choices, I think I just miss all my friends in turkey.
Have got so used to being around them all the time, that coming home has been a bit of a shock, I have only been back 2 weeks so Im bound to feel this way.

Again thank you for your honesty

 

[val2661]

Jewel is speaking a lot of sense with her post and I would also add that if you uproot your little one, there will be no family support system for you to rely on. Nursery facilities and welfare facilities for babies and toddlers aren't like they are in the UK. Work would be impossible without a work permit and that is as hard to obtain as rocking horse poo. Lots of people are fed up and feel something is missing from their life in England, but honestly without a decent income or a lottery win, life in Turkey would be extremely harsh.

Val

 

[sue & james]

Sorry to say running away won't solve anything.
A holiday to Turkey in the summer is a whole different ball game to living there full time.
How would you support yourself and son, you won't be able to work.
Can you speak the language, do you have friends there, winter time could be pretty lonely.

Look at what you could do here, change your job, go back to college.
Only you can change your life, keep Turkey for holidays, that way you have the best of both worlds.

Good luck

Sue x

 

[KerrieOrsler]

One thing, Its isnt the fun I want to go for, I have had all that in my hay day,
It is the hospitality and culture that I love Turkey for!

And you do not need to remind me that my son is number one, after his dad was killed I have given him my everything and always will.

Dont apologise for being mumsy!
I am they same with all my girly friends, always have to put my mum side into every decision

 

[juco]

In a nutshell in your circumstances if you move to Turkey you will likely have a life of hell. The icing wouldnt last long. You are experiencing what many of us have for god knows how many years and had to live with it and get on with life.
Stay put until you can see a sensible way out.
There is no harm in having an ambition to move away but plan it properly and not until it is achievable and sustainable.

As for a "fair bit of money saved up" Dont even consider unless a minimum of £100,000 and at best that will last you 10 years if that, so then what do you do? they wont look after you and you will be out in the streets.

 

[Sunny Seasider]

One thing, Its isnt the fun I want to go for, I have had all that in my hay day,
It is the hospitality and culture that I love Turkey for!

And you do not need to remind me that my son is number one, after his dad was killed I have given him my everything and always will.

Dont apologise for being mumsy!
I am they same with all my girly friends, always have to put my mum side into every decision

I was only giving advice same as I would to my girlfriends daughters who come to me often to chew their problems over, they always have done.

I was not in any way thinking that your son was anything other than your number one, I was just stating my reasoning in my post as how I would feel and now I am devastated to now read that your Partner and your Sons' Father has been killed, that is so very very sad.

 

[KerrieOrsler]

By my circumstances you mean being a young and single mum??

I do speak turkish, not fluently but then not your general 'i learnt this when I was there' I have lots of friends there, I stay with friends when I visit,

Its not as though I am going to pack my bags and leave next week,
Im thinking down the routes of planning, I guess I didnt make that clear when I posted.

I thank you all for your input, anymore info/advise would be great.

 

[KerrieOrsler]

If I came across rude I did not mean to,
It is part of life, Its not been the easiest, but has given me no choice but the grow up fast and support my son,
Which is why I came here You are all experienced and I appreciate all your input.

 

[bickern]

At your age with dependants it would be hard I imagine

 

[KerrieOrsler]

At this very moment in time, no I wouldnt be able to,
I have a good income, I work full time, (live in London) and support everything for me and my son as we live now,
I have a fair amount of 'spare' money that goes in a pot for 'rainy days and holidays' and go away atleast 2-3times a year.
Im sure with time and planning I can have a substantial amount together,

But this is something I would have to sit down and work out over time.

As I say, Im sure I have the usual 'holiday blues' and missing all my lovely friends,
I speak with them daily still, I think I will just plan another trip for later in the year, and maybe that will put a stop to the emptiness.

 

[RedBloodedHound]

I know that being a lone parent (current parlance) in England is very hard work; particularly ensuring parent to child time. Knowing what I do of Turkey I could not imagine that I could have made as safe and rewarding go of life in Turkey with children as I have in my home country.

Without the ability to work and knowledge of culture and customs; I don't see how you could survive safely. Lastly bear in mind (I know I'll get shot down for this) you would be a single woman with child in Turkey, you would be second class no matter how good a parent. I speak from experience and knowledge of both of these situations.

Sorry to be such a misery.

I would be very happy if you prove me wrong; best of luck.

 

[oldfogy]

I think I just miss all my friends in turkey.
Have got so used to being around them all the time, that coming home has been a bit of a shock, I have only been back 2 weeks so Im bound to feel this way.

I wonder how many people have this feeling just after coming back from holiday?
I know I do, then eventually even I at my doddering old age (no not telling) realise that there are still some things that even I need to do and achieve before I can carry out my dream, which started round about 1995 when I first went to Turkey.
But one day I know I will achieve it and still gives me something to look forward to.


I am not saying "no don't do it" or even "Go for it" what I am trying to say is just wait a little, try and get some money behind you, maybe even re-train, change your job to learn how to do something that you would be able to do in Turkey (of which is VERY limited)

But you do realise that this is possibly going to take you between 10 to 15 years.
That may seem a long time and a lot of things will happen in the mean time, but if by then you still feel the same and the time is right .........

Then YES GO FOR IT.

 

[KerrieOrsler]

Please dont apologise for speaking your mind.
I have been visiting for many years and had allot of the single women with a child malarki, So I do understand this.

 

[teosgirl]

It's one thing admiring another culture from the outside but there is probably much you don't know or realise about living in Turkey, and it's not always pleasant so I'm going to be harsh and give you a worse case scenario; please don't take it personally.
Sexism is rife in Turkey and as a single mum you'd be the target of every casanova and the plague for many potential mother-in-laws. You'll be the target of corrupt people; people who plan to rip you off or use you in some way. You have little or no support system in Turkey, so no babysitters or family to lean on in emotional or financial times of difficulty. It would be an uphill struggle to do anything by yourself, such as pay bills, arrange utilities, as you don't speak Turkish. Sending your son to school will become a chore; you'll find it hard to communicate with parents/teachers and he may find it difficult to adjust. Those who support you (the people you currently call friends) may not always be around to help you when the chips are down. They may move away or leave the area out of season.
You'll find it difficult and expensive when yourself or your son is ill; health care varies and unless you want to wait in a government hospital all day for tests/treatments you'll have to pay for private care which is extremely costly. Same for dental.
You legally cannot work; unless you find one of those rare jobs which offers and provides you with a work permit. Your family will miss the best years of your sons life, and with it a connection and closeness could be lost, for what? To replace it with a culture that you really know very little about?
Please think carefully. I'm sure if you were single I'd say go for it BUT, you've already chosen your path, you have a son who is now your main responsibility and should be your only priority. Are you sure you're thinking of his wellbeing? Is it better for him to live in a country that he has no genetic connection to, no relatives - where he won't be able to work when he grows up unless he takes citizenship and does compulsory army service and where his qualifications aren't recognised in the UK. Instead of remaining in a country that supports him financially and physically, and where he'll receive the love of your family and friends?

Think about it.

Charlotte

 

[KerrieOrsler]

Thank you,
The course I am starting in sept is one that will go towards something I could do If I do decide to move to any other foreign country, not just Turkey.

So I am looking at retraining,

I am going through that turmoil, I know everyone else goes through.

Id happily wait 10-15years, If it meant Id have a 'solid platform' (if there is such a thing)

 

[KerrieOrsler]

Thank you for your input Charlotte.

If you had read through the post, You would know the answers to the questions you ask about my sons father, and asking me if I am even thinking of him?

If I wasnt surely Id had just gone ahead and done it.

Please read through and look at the questions/statements/etc that you have made,
Alot of them are already answered,

I know you said not to take it personally, Which I didnt, Until I read your last paragraph...

 

[RedBloodedHound]

Hi Kerrie,

Some info. was in your later posts. No ones getting at you.

Everything Charlotte posted and my post is very relevant.

Best of luck.