Completely Chillaxed
Words Of Wisdom
From the Grumpy Old Sod at Grumpy Old Sod.com

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just bugger off and leave me alone.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

• No one is listening until you fart.

• Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.

• It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

• Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

• If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

• If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

• Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windscreen.

• Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.

• Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

• A closed mouth gathers no foot.

• Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

• There are two theories about how to argue with a woman. Neither works.

• Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

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