Yalides

Am I pretty ?
Why we love children
Why We Love Children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it Was dead. 'How did you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in his ear, and he didn't move,' answered the child Innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over, and went 'Pssst' In his ear, and he didn't move'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad..' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring me a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, Finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out, and in And out, and keep slamming the door, until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's Sake, Dylan, either come in, or stay out!''

4. One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was Tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he Asked, with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me Tonight?' his mother smiled, and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the Children's' sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat Down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That's a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on Microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year Old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the Shower. She said, 'Mummy, you're getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, but remember, Mummy has a baby growing in her Tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying, and gasped, 'What are you doing?' she asked. The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my maths homework, Mum.' 'And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked. 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in maths ?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that Son of a bitch is four ?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. '....... And so Chicken Little Went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is Falling!' The teacher paused, then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother told her this was wrong, And she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her the next week, in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?' She replied, 'I thought I was, but my mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.' The little girl thought about it for a few moments, and then asked,
'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him ?'

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, eating a snack cake, while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her,'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She replies, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Why we love children
At the reading class the teacher reminded the kids it was a grown up words class, so no baby talk

She asked the first child to describe the book she was reading, its about dickey bird she said--no says the teacher what sort of bird was it in grown up words.
A parrot replied the child.

The next child described her book as about a moo cow, no said the teacher, more baby talk, what is it really

A brown cow replied the child.

And what was your book about? she asked the 3rd child and no baby talk!

Well its about this Bear called Winnie the sh1t!
 
Why we love children
The teacher asked the children for their middle names, and who they were named after. Lisa volunteered "my middle name is Darlene and I'm named after my aunt, mum's sister". Roberts middle name was Gordon after the famous general.

Greg hesitated a while but finally blurted out "I'm told I have all my names from my father so my middle name must be 'Ohmygodimcoming', because that's what mum shouts at him when he's playing blanket with her. :dooh:
 
Why we love children
I once took my grandson into Morrisons shopping, he insisted on wearing his roman helmet and took a toy sword he would be about 5/6 years old. I said ok but do not wave the sword about, he didn't. We got to the checkout and the operator said 'hello are you a knight?' 'No answered Dylan 'I'm a handsome Prince'. We couldn't stop laughing, and the other customers like me thought it was priceless. As they say 'out of the mouths of babes'
 

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