Weakened relationships

[bobthenob]

What do you think to the reasons why relationships turns to disagreements,which can lead to violence.l know there are many reasons why relationship tdo tend to drift towards a negative attitude towards one partner,but this is one of my many thoughts as to why this occurs so frequently in today's society.

l believe the biggest mistake for any person in a relation,is expecting to much from the other partner without thinking of the consequences.And also a relation will get of the wrong footing if that person is only thinking of what that person can gain from the other partner through selfish motives,instead of thinking of what he can gain through mental wealth.
Materialistic thinking is a one way course to a breakdown in a relationship,due to the fact of what chasing of money can ruin in a relationship.
The love of money is the root to a relationships injury.But a love for each other is a blessing that will flourish within that results in a sense of an inner well being with each other.
Money destroys,love conquers

 

[graceingdansk]

Frustration is the root of violence, unless it's a direct cause of drug abuse.
So, if a partner is frustrated over money issues-whatever they might be-and the issues aren't resolved, then yes that could very well lead to violence.

 

[carolk]

Violence is about control.

 

[irishmatelot]

Many things can cause a relationship to weaken, violence is a cause and a symptom and I agree is really about the control of one person over another...love is powerful but cannot fix all things unfortunately and nor should it since some relationships are unhealthy.
Money can be a factor in disharmony...

 

[red]

Frustration is the root of violence, unless it's a direct cause of drug abuse.
So, if a partner is frustrated over money issues-whatever they might be-and the issues aren't resolved, then yes that could very well lead to violence.

I have to disagree, (and agree with carol)drug/substance abuse does not cause violence neither does frustration. Violence is about control, if someone cannot control their actions or want to control by using an action violence occurs.

 

[Akasya]

As there are many people who are agressively energised by substance abuse, there are significant numbers upon whom drugs and alcohol have a pacifying soporific effect. If drugs and alcohol were the magic catalyst, armies would march on their offi / pharmacy disbursements to ensure maximum agression in the field. I can assure you if this was tried whole platoons would be bivvying down for a good kip rather than sticking to the enemy.
Steve.

 

[graceingdansk]

I agree with all of you violence is about control. But what about the armies in Congo, Sudan, etc. that kidnap children and keep them on drugs so they commit unimaginable acts of murder, or the person on PCP that goes on a killing spree?
I commented on the first thing I thought of when I think of violence.
My husband pointed out that things go dreadfully wrong in a relationship when one person feels being used or taken advantage of-be it for monitary gains or a psychological drain on a relationship.
I hold fast to frustration being a catalist to agression-I will never forget learning in criminal psychology classes that-frustration leads to aggression, and aggression leads to violence.
Analogy--If you take a frog and put it into boiling water, it's smart enough to jump out. But, if you put the frog into cold water and raise the temperature gradually, the frog is cooked before it knows it. So, be like the first frog, know when to jump out!
Sometimes you have to know when to let go of a bad relationship and walk away before things get out of hand.

 

[bobthenob]

I have to agree with you on this,because violence is a voluntary action that can be controlled.But there are substances out there that does encourage the brains chemistry to react towards aggressive thoughts,because the level of serotonin that keeps the aggression at bay is lowered,which is linked to violent abuse and the use of toxins.Aggressive surroundings also lowers this chemical in the brain to react in a negative way.

Another is the bad environment one lives in that can set off violent behaviour,caused by frustration.A once bonding family that is showing signs of collapsing,due to the lifestyle one leads and what the children are exposed to can create a epidemic of violence that will fuel the situation to grow.A vicious circle of frustrating argumentative behaviour occur which leads in the end violent abuse to each other,signs of a breakdown.
As the surrounding environment becomes more of a concern for the society.The system manipulates the thoughts of the community and promotes many to become disobedient towards the one’s your close to.

 

[carolk]

Bob, if this thread is about relationships between a man and a woman then the only reason violence occurs is when one is trying to control the other - man or woman!!

They break down for many reasons, too numerous to mention but, if either one resorts to violence because of their problems then they are exercising control by force, over the other. It has no place in relationships what ever the underlying problems.

If a problem can not be 'talked out' and frustration occurs then, walk away. We are supposed to be thinking beings not animals.

 

[Terry the Celt]

Violence is about control.

Absolutely Carol !!

Just as in rape, a form of violence
Just Control, nothing else!!

 

[bobthenob]

Bob, if this thread is about relationships between a man and a woman then the only reason violence occurs is when one is trying to control the other - man or woman!!

l never mentioned a relationship between man and woman.But a relationship between two partners as well as many partners in other forms of relations.
l agree with you on the issue of using aggression to control the other with violence is totally unacceptable,since this is a voluntary movement and must be condemned immediately.To use verbal and physical violence towards the other partner shows this person is weak in wisdom and lacks the intelligence to express himself,so he lashes out with violent behaviour to gain the control he wants.This is not the only reason why violence occur amongst partnerships.
There are many other reasons why as l have explained in my previous posts.But the main reason for the violence is really down to having a selfish attitude,where some love the violence and even enjoy it seeing the control they have over others.
But the one's that carry out violent behaviour have probably been taught through their culture and the environment they have been brought up in.Just some of the many that condones violence and class it as acceptable to gain the power they want through selfish means.
Please believe me Carol.l am totally against all forms of violence against their partners and the community which reflects a negative influence on others when our environment allows and encourages it.This turns in turn does a lot of psychological harm and sets in motion a vicious cycle,where there is no end in sight.

They break down for many reasons, too numerous to mention but, if either one resorts to violence because of their problems then they are exercising control by force, over the other. It has no place in relationships what ever the underlying problems.

Once again l agree with you to a certain point.Some violent behaviour can be triggered by a fear,where one cannot think straight,because of the brain chemistry has altered. And lashes out with verbal physical abuse without that person even realizing what he is doing,until afterwards.
A brain disorder also triggers bouts of aggression,not to gain control,but through sheer frustration in trying to make the other party to understand what this person is going through mentally.Bipolar is a brain disorder that does effect more people then ever before,because of the increase of violence in the surrounding environment that we are exposed to.Some are effected more then others.
Then there is clinical depression,which can lead to an act of violence if the other person is not reasonable.
Mental illness comes in many forms and should not be compared with voluntary violence to gain control.lt is completely different.

If a problem can not be 'talked out' and frustration occurs then, walk away. We are supposed to be thinking beings not animals.

That is what separates us from animals.ls the ability to have the free will to know what is right that cultivates a love that goes from strength to strength and also to know by pursuing what is wrong will result in a heart being filled with a treachery that will weaken the very foundations of a relationship.Ongoing cracks will start to appear and will eventually crumble and collapse.Now isn't that shear stupidity.

l must emphasize that l will never accept violence over others for selfish reasons,but l will understand why others do become aggressive through mental illness and need medical help.

 

[carolk]

Bob, I don't think for one minute you condone violence. I neither meant to exclude same sex relationships, I have no wish to offend anyone.

I didn't take your first post to be about mental illness as it was not mentioned. I think that is another discussion altogether.

 

[bobthenob]

Bob, I don't think for one minute you condone violence. I neither meant to exclude same sex relationships, I have no wish to offend anyone.

I didn't take your first post to be about mental illness as it was not mentioned. I think that is another discussion altogether.

You haven't offended me one bit Carol .lt is a good debate about the issues to the reasons why some people resort to aggression.l love to hear from others on what their opinion is
l am just pointing out the reasons why some become aggressive,and how they also condone this type of behaviour to gain power over others for selfish reasons.

 

[angiesco]

Violence in a relationship is definatley to do with control.

I read an article in the sun newspaper, yesterday, actually it was on-line. I don't remember if they where married or not but the mans partner got 7 years in prison for her treatment towards him. Reading it was sad and it is so hard to understand why he couldn't just walk away from her. People who control are very good at it and it plays with peoples minds.

Angie.

 

[Mack]

I think it all boils down to respect, once one persons respect for the other declines or dies then it opens the door to all the negative energy that will eventually destroy any relationship be it romantic or otherwise. I could never understand the actions of some people who abuse and exploit the love and kindness shown to them for their own gain, unfortunately there seems to be a lot of sociopaths in all societies today.

 

[SuperBogs]

Violence is about control.

Is violence the same as anger?

Biker Bob

 

[graceingdansk]

You're right Mack-a lot of sick people out there so unhappy with their OWN lives, that they have to ruin others to get a sick satisfaction that keeps them going. If the mistreated partner gets away, they just set their sights in on a new victim.
Contempt breeds contempt-if a person has contempt for themselves, most likely they will turn it onto someone else-usually a weaker person. Unfortunately, these sickos misinterprit kindness and gentleness for weakness.
As bobthenob pointed out, there is a breakdown in society.

 

[graceingdansk]

Anger can turn into violence if not checked.
Anger is an emotion-violence is the action of that emotion.

 

[SuperBogs]

I know my frustrations of living here have made me much less tolerant then I used to be. I get angry much quicker now and my stress levels show it. I don't attack my wife directly but too often she hears in detail why I get so Pizzed off. Hate that!!!

Biker Bob

 

[carolk]

Is violence the same as anger?

Biker Bob

No Bob. As has been said, its an emotion not an action.