The Great Pretender

[bobthenob]

Why is it that when l talk to a Turkish person in Business,they always say you are my friend.l hardly know the guy,so how can we be friends when l know nothing about this person.
I size up the situation now when someone mentions that word “friends”,because l know what they mean.And it has nothing to do with friends but more in the way of grooming my mind to a point where l’ll side with their way of thinking.”Well”Bozo,l have some news for you,lt ain’t gonna happen anymore,because of what l have learnt over the pass 5 years here on how you use that tactic to mislead people.Just like a spider on it’s well woovened web,waiting for the right time to pounce once the prey has been entangled.
Unless a person displays good quality of honesty and consideration at all times without wavering.This is a friend.
If a person talks the talk,but no action,be very wary of that person.Watch how they behave with others,you will learn a lot on whether they are genuine or not.Are they acting suspiciously in front of you while their talking to you.Watch their eyes they always look away and also the way they sit,they do become agitated as they speak.Do they come over as cold negative and cynical.Do you feel a certain element of disloyalty to their speech.
These are signs of something sinister in their make up.Keep well away from them.


1/To me a friend is someone that doesn’t pretend to be something there not to impress or to deceive that person for selfish reasons.
2/A friend is someone that doesn’t judge what you are and is not prestigious.
3/A friend is someone that will never say a bad word behind your back and will not betray you.
4/Someone that would rather keep on giving and is always their when needed,rather then keep on thinking of what l can get out of that person.
5/Someone that is willing to give his life up for a friend to live during difficult times.A coward is never a friend,but the courageous are always good true friends.
My true friends are my dog and my wife.l have also known others that have proved themselves as loyal honest trustworthy people l also class as friends.

Watch out for the one’s that tells you what to say and do while you are with them.They are trying to manipulate your way of thinking to their’s.
But the one’s that shows you without dictating to you are genuine people that l would class as friendship material.
What is your story on how you have become friends and why

 

[carolk]

Its the same one as 'you are now my family'. Bullsh*t!!!

 

[mike dj]

Correct Carolk,been there ,seen it happen . Mike

 

[immac]

Relationships, and friendships in particular, are just different in Turkey. When I tell Turkish people that in UK I could work alongside someone for years and not even know if they were married, let alone not be their 'friend', they can not compute that idea.

Turkish society needs to categorise people to understand their relationships and status. Friendship is easily given and just as easily abused (as we would see it), but to them the idea of friendship as Bob sets it out is alien at the level that most of us operate within this society.

That is not to say that they don't have loyal friendships, but the 'friendship' given by barmen and shopkeepers means more to the lonely ex-pat than it does to them.

Ian

 

[suzyq]

I have had this conversation with my husband who is a Turk many times. We will be in the street and he say hello to someone, I ask him who it is and he say, he's my friend I met him last week. Of course my reply is how can he be your friend if you only met him last week, surely you just mean you know of him.

It seems to be a subject we cannot agree on.

 

[pebble]

I hate to zay thiz, but it uzed to be zoooo different, and it probably iz in more remote areaz where the greed and hopelezznezz haznt zettled in. You really cannot imagine it.
Bob you are very correct in all u zay about the overuze/or uze at all of the "whole friend thing" and what carol zaid about the "family" thing.

Itz all a ploy to gain your truzt zo they can zcrew u........

My father retired and we left turkey in 1976, I waz 17. I hadnt aquired maturity or any life experience yet.

I waz from a world where friendz were your true friendz, and when you had met zomeone in a rural area, you became like family, you were treated like family. no one would dream of hurting you or cheating you. honor and integrity were inztilled in everyone. it waz juzt the way it waz. people helped each other.

when i came back to turkey for vizitz, it waz alwayz to Izmir, it waznt until i moved back permanently that I came to Bodrum. that waz in 2003.

and oh my god waz it a changed place. I attributed it to being bodrum, but i am real zaddened to zay that i zuzpect itz the whole country.
I zpend a fair amount of time in Izmir while there, and go into Iztanbul 3-4 timez a year.

I juzt coiuldnt get over how the population at large had turned vile, ugly, nazty, overbearing, i cant think of wordz ztrong enough. it zeamed every one waz out to cheat you. try to zell you zomething at 30 timez the normal cozt. ezpecially in the bodrum peninzula. I waz zhocked daily, and oh zoooo dizzapointed.

Here in the ztatez, maybe i juzt built a wall around me, or i waz juzt naive. it zeemed, we were a generouz people, we are tight there to help zomeone out in a criziz. when we make new aquaintecez, our firzt thought iznt how can i take advantage of thiz perzon, how can he/zhe be of uze to me. you take people at face value, because you cant comprehend that they would harm you.

you meet people thorught your live, zome are keeper, zome are not. they juzt zort themselvez out. You realize later who iz important and who iznt . i have friendz that i made 30 yrz ago, who moved to another ztate or zomething, we would send xmas cards, maybe a call or two during the year, some friendz you you can not talk to for 5-10 yearz and get back in touch and its like you never leftl, you can pick up juzt where you left off.

mY ZIZTER had beed planning my 50th birthday party zince lazt year, i bought my ticket bazed on the party which waz to be on the 20th of june, i waz going to go home (bodrum) on the 25th. everything waz zet.

we had been inviting all my friendz from thiz area that i zee when i come home once every couple of yearz, pluz a ton that i never bothered to contact wheni came home. you know what itz like, you have limited time, zo you have to really pick and chooze your activitiez. ozo there were a lot of people i would blow off and juzt call........(or not) both Turkizh friends and americanz.

but for the party, my zizter wanted me to invite everyone. zo we did, way back in january we zent out a prelimanry email zaying rezerve thiz date......

then we kept adding more people......i had hooked up with a childhood friend who live in zfo, two or three actually. and vizited them briefly in april, and had great vizitz. they were invited.

People in the lumber induztry that had become perzonal family friendz, from the eazt coazt.

we kept adding people az i thught of them, found a lot of people on f/b,

anyway, it was going to be a huge turnout.......

( we had had a ztreak of 50th birthdayz that were c3lebrated in thisz houze, zo Moyra wanted mine (which iz the like the lazt one) to be the one with the big bang......\

then i got thiz zhit newz, and thought im not zaying anythin to anyone, we will juzt go thru it.

But word got out...did i have a brain fart and just tell people?
there waz a ripple effect, all the galz that i worked with for 17 years were roped into coming. we all had our kidz at about the zame time, zo all our kidz were the zame age and had been playmatez for a while. and we would help each other with the kidz, in fact it waz one the galz who urged me to get a zecond opinion on alex when he waznt developing at the proper zpeed (turned out he had celebral palzy)
anyway, you zee how this thing juzt balooned.

\the party waz a huge zuceezz and i got reconnected with "my people" the onez that were true friendz.

and after all that, and i ztarted teatment and ztarted having the 'VISIONZ" for lack of a better word. I realized that people come into your life and ome even how briefly you spend time with, if you reconnect and it fallz into place.... they are there for a reazon, or a purpoze.
\there waz thiz gal that waz in my book group, i saw her once a motnh, we alwayz planned to get together, i alwayz zat next to her cauze zhe waz funny and we had zimiliar taztez in bookz. we exchanged email adrezzez when i left, i exchanged emaio adrezzez with everyone in the book group, but zhe and i actually formed a friendzhip with a emailoz that we coulnt in perzon caue we were zo buzy. Zhe turned out to be one of the bezt friendz that i could have. other than the book clubz, i never zaw her up until lazt week end, we zlid right into a comfortable mode.

anyway. a it turns out, every single person that i wanted to see, i did. and from these, there are 85% that are changing my life RIGHT NOW, ALL for the good. all to help me ztay positive and what not,

zame with cyber friendz. i have two forumz i viit, and have friends on each that i conzider to be part of my "inner circle"

everything happens for a reason.

but what ha happend to turkey is appaling............what happend to it>???

did we have too much foreing influence too fazt?

did he foreigner encourage thiz ugly thing to happen, by flazhing of money, by making them want to comform to the weztern mind.... to emulate uz?
I know TV had a big impact on what happend, they believe everything on tv i z true. the think THE ztreetz in ZTATEZ iz lined in god.

they think britz and irizh are all ritch and they think you have the moeny to wave in their face, and you are ztupid enough to zpend 10 lira that they woud normally zpend 1 lira on, zo they take advantage of thiz.

i uzed to go to the bazar, even the vegetable one, where there are true villagerz, and i would zay how much iz thiz, and they woudl give me a price that wa zilly ztup[id, and i would lazh out in my flawlezz turkizh and zay, what wa it grown in gold? what kind of price iz that, and they would zay, oh my god, zizter youare one of uz, zorry, the price for you iz thiz. and i would zay juzt becauze im a YABANCI you cant do thiz to me, and i am azhamed that you would do thiz,. and wouldnt buy from them, then i realized they were all doing it. tuezday market wa the worzt......but what can you do??????????


zo yeah....pretty darned bad.......

i wont even go into how they zcrew u in buzinezz...you all have been there done that. or how you get zcrewed working there for zomeone......




enough rambling.....zorry

 

[boxerpaul]

hi bob just to let you know that the crook fathi caglan is now saying hes going to get kat irtifaki done but ive heard all the crap before,anyway you gave me good advice which i wont forget and im a guy thats well good in tough situations,so im grateful thanks paul

 

[Alan Fidler]

I believe friendship is based on trust, all my life I've made friends very easily.. maybe due to my out going personality, maybe because i find it easy to talk to people, just about anyone.
I can stand in a queue in a bank and start a conversation with other people...
But close friends.. people i hold dear to my heart are those that i trust implicitly..
I spent 8 years in the Army where friendships were built on trust.. we had to be able to trust one another with our lives. Unfortunately our lives took different routes, different directions and we all lost touch, but for one or two who i see occasionally, and when we do meet, boy do we have a good time.
I've worked in the building industry as a joiner for 24 years for various companies.. again making very good friends, though some were real friends other were just work colleagues.. again people move on and lose touch but still remain friends and chat when we bump into one another out and about.

But while I will say i have a lot of "friends"... i have a small number of true friends who are more like family, brothers and sister.. some i will confide in and who will confide in me rather than their partner. Another example of trust.
With out trust it's difficult to remain friends.. if someone cant be as honest with me as i am with them it's difficult to remain true friends.. and it hurts when you find that someone you trusted, someone you would give your life for lets you down, a situation which has happened several times.
I will be friends with anyone,I'd like to think I'm easy to get along with, but to be trusted implicitly by me people have to prove themselves to be trust worthy.

Alan.

 

[Valian]

A real friend is someone who doesn't ask you to lend them money......

 

[Alan Fidler]

Funny you should say that Val.. one of my weaknesses is my generosity... I've lent friends money... and I've given money... not all friends see it the same way... some see it as a loan others as a gift.
On the other hand, regardless of how desperate I've been I've never asked for it.

And friends wont take you for granted.

Alan.

 

[abla]

True friends are like diamonds precious and rare

False friends are like Autumn leaves scattered everywhere!!!

 

[Valian]

Funny you should say that Val.. one of my weaknesses is my generosity... I've lent friends money... and I've given money... not all friends see it the same way... some see it as a loan others as a gift.
On the other hand, regardless of how desperate I've been I've never asked for it.

Alan.

I am exactly the same Alan and sadly, the only place I've been stung is in Turkey hwell: hwell:

 

[bobthenob]

The way l look at false friendship is a mentality of the devil himself.Pretending to be a friend for sinister reasons are the hallmarks of what is mentioned in the bible.

The devil keeps on transforming himself into an angel of light to deceive that person by grooming the mind.Once he has achieved his goal and left the person suffering mentally and physically.He then transforms back to the ugly creature he is,a confidence trickster.
Sounds familiar when they come up to me and say you are my friend with a smile that stretches their face to the point of breaking.
I play at their game and say, no your not,you hardly know me.lf you want to be my friend,first of all you have to prove to me you have values.
I would rather be with the genuine people that are wise,then walking with the one’s that are stupid enough in pretending to be a friend.lt always catches up with them in the end and they are the one’s leaving a trail of people that detest these morons.