IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Oct Jokes '21
Apparently this is a true story.

Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.


The lawyer sued.... and WON!
(Stay with me now.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be 'unacceptable fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART.
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!


With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Oct Jokes '21
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately
Spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to
live in
A house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some
Pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had
To have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her
Living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
But then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
The bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended
But then began to laugh about the situation
Considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
Came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Keith!'
 

Kanga

Member
Oct Jokes '21
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a bus-stop.
The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step and barks repeatedly.
No answer.
He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself (Whap!) against the door. He does this again and again.
No answer.
So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
Eventually a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What on earth are you doing? This dog's a genius!”
The owner responds, "Genius, you gotta be joking! .. That's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!”
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Oct Jokes '21
At a recent Pub quiz, this question was asked, " Take That have a new album release. It's title is just 4 words, the first two are "Take That", what are the last two words?"

Saoirse shouted out "Would it be,-- Ya Bastard?"
 
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Jaycey

African Refugee
Top Poster Of Month
Oct Jokes '21
When God created the dog, he said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a lifespan of twenty years." The dog replied: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw that it was good. When God created the monkey, he said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again, saw that it was good. When God created the cow he said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long, work under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was very good. When God created man, he said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty plus the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back? That makes eighty years, okay?" God agreed. And that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we look like a wizened monkey and do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
 
Oct Jokes '21
Keith Richards once got a Baby Tortoise as a Present from his Wife, for his Birthday:

He asked Her. "How Old Will It Get"..???

She told him. "They Live to at least 300 Years Old."

He said. "Now you see Patti, why I'm against keeping Pets",

*


"You get attached to such an Animal and then it goes and Dies on you Early"..
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Oct Jokes '21
Keith Richards once got a Baby Tortoise as a Present from his Wife, for his Birthday:

He asked Her. "How Old Will It Get"..???

She told him. "They Live to at least 300 Years Old."

He said. "Now you see Patti, why I'm against keeping Pets",

*


"You get attached to such an Animal and then it goes and Dies on you Early"..
Welcome back funny guy, we have missed you!
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Oct Jokes '21
Here is one for chef Jaycey

*A GREAT CHICKEN RECIPE*

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.

Give this a try.

Size 18. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup of uncooked popcorn
Salt & pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 220c.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the
oven.

Listen to the popping sounds.
When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

And you thought I couldn't cook.



 

Jaycey

African Refugee
Top Poster Of Month
Oct Jokes '21
There was once a Viking who became such a powerful warrior, he decided to take up a new challenge. The Viking sailed across Europe challenging people to staring contests. He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to hand over all of the gold he had pillaged to anyone who could defeat him.

The news spread throughout Europe, catching the attention of a couple in Ireland whose daughter was born without eyelids. Believing that their daughter was guaranteed to win in a staring contest, the couple sent a messenger to invite the Viking to Ireland to face off against her. He gladly accepted the challenge, setting sail the next day.

The Viking eventually arrived at the couple's home, where he and the daughter had a staring contest which lasted for hours, and eventually days. Nearly a week had passed, and the Viking's eyes remained wide open. At this point, the girl was so exhausted that she decided to forfeit the match, losing by default.

Her parents were baffled. The wife asked her husband, "How could he have kept his eyes open for so long, even against someone with no eyelids?".

With no good explanation, the husband shrugged and responded…





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"You can lead a Norse to daughter, but you can't make him blink."
 

enoch

Member
Oct Jokes '21
Here is one for chef Jaycey

*A GREAT CHICKEN RECIPE*

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that!

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.

Give this a try.

Size 18. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing
1 cup of uncooked popcorn
Salt & pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 220c.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the
oven.

Listen to the popping sounds.
When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

And you thought I couldn't cook.



That's a recipe for Jaycey, I think 😁
 

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