Alan Fidler

Ceteris paribus
Notice to employees
Does your boss give you a hard time... is your place of work a sweat shop...

A few notices to employees that might make you think you're better off with the boss you have..

Notice to Employees
(includes part-time workers)

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof of illness. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LUNCH
If you really must eat, eat at your desk. Any time spent heating lunch in the microwave will be deducted in five minute increments.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained and paid for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY I
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room ONLY once the contractions are five minutes apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to your departure.

This new benefit program started yesterday and all penalties will be retroactive.

The Management
 

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