Mums Stroke

[Andy]

My Story

Mum had a stroke in Feb she fell and broke her hip, she's lost her speech but can say a few words before it comes out gobble-de-gook. She doesn't know where she is.

Update

After 7 weeks in Hospital mum goes into a care home this coming week. She's a little worse, not recognising family and wetting the bed.

Iv'e been told by the local councel that part of the house (because of joint ownership) will have to pay for her care. What they do is value the property - 50% then -10% then halve it. The house is valued at £250k and her part is about £56k which will go into her account to pay for her care, down to £23,250. It will go on the market in May, iv'e decided not to live there but will sell my flat valued at £125k & with the proceeds of the house buy a small 2 bed bungalow.
I will have POA with my sister which comes into force in june. It costs £175 if you do it early before dementure + solicitors costs & will take about 2 months. If you leave it too late it's £1000 + with an ongoing fee, & takes up to 8 months to get, so anyone with an elderly parent living by themselves i would urge you to get POA before it's too late.

I go down the house almost every spare hour i have to gradually sort and clear it out and keep the garden in check so it looks good for those that view it, so if you haven't seen me around for a while this is the reason why.

 

[nanamo]

Oh Andy so so sorry to hear of your mum's health problems. Its a very stresssful time for you and an extremely emotional heart tugging job to go through your mum's belongings so we really feel for you. We are fairly near you so if you need additional transport I can help and will be pleased help. Please dont be affraid to ask. Look after yourself Andy, you mum will be in safe hands but you need to keep strong for her. Mo x

 

[teosgirl]

A horrible situation, I wish you and your family a lot of strength in the coming months.

Charlotte

 

[shirleyanntr]

HiAndy..its an awful time for you..i have missed you on the forum but realised you had problems.
Yıou are right to bring this to peoples attention.
My exhusband has serious mental health problems and my daughter lives with him...the CPN told her that if things didnt improve he would have to go into care and the property would be sold..its in her fathers name. So she was getting really stressed

However previously he was sectioned and came home under a section 117 which means that the NHS have to pay for his care. İ tackled the CPN about this ..as he was giving wrong info to my daughter. under this section she wont lose her home.Sometimes the so called experts dont keep up to date with changes in legislature
As you say getting a poa and sorting things out before problems occur saves a lot of trouble ...theres a great forum that gives advice about this sort of thing...although he hasnt alzheimers theres loads of support that is relevant to mental health or caring etc
Talking Point

Take care of yourself as it is a stressful sad time for you.

 

[arrian]

Andy, very sorry to hear about your mum' stroke, and that she has to go into a home, although this should make things easier for you in the long run.
as it's a very stressful time for you, don't neglect your own health, so take a breather now and again. i hope things improve for you.
good luck with all your worries. xxxx

 

[saffie]

That's really sad news Andy. Must be very emotional seeing your Mum in this way and to have to sell her home and sort through all her beloved belongings.

My heart goes out to you and anyone else in this sad situation.I still have both my parents and every time I go over and see them I am thankful they are still( for now) independent but know that,sooner or later,the day will come when they will not be able to manage. Mum is getting very frail and Dad is struggling to cope with looking after her and their large garden.

Hope you have plenty of support in such a difficult time Andy.


saffie

 

[pepperkat]

My sympathy is with you. I went through all of this in 2000 after my dad died, & mum had dementia. Because she could not recognise anyone, only having memories about 50 years back, she became violent to anyone trying to help, or do things for her. Reluctantly we had to let mum go into a home. Like you I had to apply for P.O.A. Then I had to open a bank account to deal solely with mums affairs & put her house up for sale, as the house had to fund her stay in the nursing home. The worst part of all of this ( & I hope it has changed now for the better) is the Public Guardianship Office. They were the pits trying to get anything for mum. All mums money had to be paid to them, I then had to apply for funds to be paid into the bank account I had set up, just so I could pay the fees & expenses for mum. When mum died there was just £16,000.00 left from £60,000.00 .
I just hope for your sake things have altered.

 

[Terry the Celt]

Hi Andy
I went through similar before my Mum died 4 years ago and its a difficult time.
During the last year I went to her hospice hospital every day but in the end she barely knew I was there.
I have known you a long time on TLF and send my best wishes to you and your Mum.
All the best mate

 

[maggie]

Andy.
So sad to hear your news.
Times can be very difficult when things like this happen.
It used to make my Mum so angry that she had to pay £7 .00 a half hour for care in the home in her later years Just because she had saved thro out her life and had her own home .
Luckily my eldest son became her live in carer towards the end as she refused to go into a home to quote her "Im not spending your inheritance" Bless her .
Keep your chin up we are all here for you if you need us .

Hugs Maggie xxx

 

[Kalkan regular]

So sorry about your mum Andy. My mum had a massive stroke 17 years ago and died within a few hours. Although we were devastated we were relieved she hadn't survive as she would have had no quality of life.

The advice on Power of Atorney is good advice for everyone. We have just done it for my mother-in-law as she is mentally declining but still at the point where the doctor could sign to say she understood what she was signing. For those who want to do it you can do it without a solicitor. There are two types of power of atorney, one is for your health and wellbeing and the other for property and finance and you have to make each application seperately, although the forms are very similar. We downloaded the forms and guidance from the internet, completed it and sent it off ourselves, saving about £500 I believe. It takes a bit of time but we just worked through the form and guidance page by page and you just have to make sure that nothing you write is ambiguous. The cost to register it depends on income so my mother-in-law didn't have to pay.

I hadn't realised but when you do a Power of Atorney it stays 'dormant' until you are unable to make decisions yourself, the atorneys you appoint don't have any decision making powers before then. Because of this we intend to do them for ourselves, even though we are no where near not being able to make decisions but who knows if they are going to have a stroke, get knocked down, etc.

 

[sparrow]

So sorry to read this Andy,
I did notice that you were not around lately and you sometimes told me about your mum, how you visited her at sundays.
It is very hard when you see your mother like this, especially when she is dementing, it is a very stressful time and one doesn't always know what to do. I hope you will be able to cope with it, it is hard and one is also thinking a lot about one's own life at those times, isn't it ?
I'm still looking after my mum, she is slowly getting worse and dementing, but we still have some good times, but is is very heard, especially because she calls during the night, let's say I get about 3 calls a week, I still manage but I'm seriously considering a caring home after the summer, I feel I do not have enough patience anymore and I easily get angry and she does not deserve that.
Regarding having to pay for a nursing home, isn't it like that in the UK that you always have to pay for it ? In my case I would have to pay about 1500,- Euro a month, my mother has a pension but it doesn't cover this.

I have been looking after my mothers affairs, also financially for years , the house is in my name already and I have access to all accounts, but then I'm the only child. It is a good thing though, because with her dementia my mother does not know I'm her daughter, she often worries about her money and I cannot really reasure her that everything is looked after properly, it is so sad, you end up just with nothing

Kind regards from Belgium and take care !
Nadine

 

[mike dj]

Andy you need "Enduring Power of Attorney " that's the way my brother and I did it about 4 years ago , it more or less gives you more say in what happens . My Mum was in hospital suffering early signs of dementia and had a social worker who tried to sell here house , we sold it before they could because of the EPOA we had . Look into it I don't think it has changed . Sorry about things . Mike .

 

[bebs]

My best wishes to you and your Mum Andy ,take care ......Bebs

 

[giglets]

Andy,

Really sorry to read your update about your Mother.

Life can be a real kick in the teeth sometimes and the financial rubbish you are going through certainly doesn't make things any easier.

Keep as strong as you can for your mum, but try and cut yourself some slack now and again.
You will be of no use to anyone, if you are too exhausted yourself.

All the best, mate, from Marian and myself, and take care.

 

[Harem]

Andy, I can't add more to what has already been said. Having been through this with my mother I can sympathise.
My mum knew she would have to sell her home to pay for care so she decided to "gift" it to my daughter while she was still able!! However, my daughter didn't keep her end of the bargain, which was to pay the difference between the care home fees and mum's pension!! I ended up as full time carer. Long time in the past now though.

 

[gizmo]

Hi Andy

We are going through the same at the moment with Dad. He will be 93 next week but has been diagnosed with dementia and has gone down hill very quickly. He fell a few times - TIA's we think - twice in hospital. He came home but then got pneumonia - went in to hospital again - and finally came home. We are trying to care for him at home now with the help of carers but it is a very stressful time. I think that if he deteriorates any further we will have to find a nursing home. The problem with family is that everyone does not see eye to eye even though we all want the best for Dad.

He has a good pension and POA went to my sister when we noticed that his mind was failing. It is so sad to see such a brilliant man go downhill so fast.

Six feet five inches and truly handsome with brains to burn. He was the best father in the world - fair, honest and his life revolved around his family. My mother passed away 19 years ago and he has lived on his own for the past 17 years until this happened and was totally independent. I was his carer until last Sunday night when I was informed by email that a professional company with carers was coming in. I had been up for several nights with Dad and all I asked for was a nights sleep but family were unable to provide this and so now I am 200 miles away waiting for updates from my brother. Yes, a truly stressful time Andy. I have lit candles and prayed that he will be taken as I find it terrible to see him suffering now - his dignity has been cruelly snatched from him and he is bed bound etc etc.

I do not mean to take from your post Andy but only to say I understand what you are going through and I hope that both our parents will be at peace soon. Please take good care of yourself and keep busy.

Hugs - Gizzo

 

[Bebelka]

However previously he was sectioned and came home under a section 117 which means that the NHS have to pay for his care. İ tackled the CPN about this ..as he was giving wrong info to my daughter. under this section she wont lose her home.Sometimes the so called experts dont keep up to date with changes in legislature

Yes: And sometimes the 'experts' who belong to the Forum and are updated are asked for advice; give the correct information and are not acknowledged for all the hard work and effort they put in to help a fellow member!!!!

Wish I found very hurtful and rude......

 

[ted j]

My best wishes go out to you too mate. It's a hard time, we did all that with my aunt .Take care. Ted

 

[alison09400]

Sorry to hear that your mum hasn't got any better Andy. Take care of yourself. x

 

[louise17]

I too am very sorry to hear about your mum Andy, must be a very difficult time for you & your family.

I didn't realise about the nursing home costs & selling the house etc, interesting. Do you get to "choose" a home then, is it private then?

Best of luck

Louise