May jokes 21
Two Naturalists were observing Wildlife in the Forests of Canada.

One said,

“Hey.. Did you see that Bear over there”..??

“NO,” replied the Second, “I Didn’t.”

A few minutes later the First Naturalist said, “Did you just see that Eagle flying overhead”..??

“NO, I missed that,” said the Second, a bit dejected.

Five minutes later, the First Naturalist said, “ Did you see that Moose go behind those trees”..??

“DAMN”, said the Second. “I missed that too”...!

“You really ought to keep your Eyes Open,” said the First. “That way you won’t keep missing things.”

A few minutes later, the First Naturalist said, “Hey, did you see that”..??

“As a matter of fact I did,” snapped the second man, determined not to be ridiculed further.

“Indeed, I probably spotted it before you”..

“Oh Yes”, said the First Naturalist.

*


“OK.. So why did you frigging Step in it”..???
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
May jokes 21
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In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.
She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview. “Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”
“For about 50 years.” Said the old man. “50 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“Well, I pray for peace. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up wise, in safety and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a wall!”

The Jewish Man and the Wailling Wall
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
May jokes 21
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So one day, Grandma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the waterhole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
 
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Jaycey

African Refugee
May jokes 21
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.
All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly beautiful waitress came to his table.
"What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then looks at her, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man looks at her and answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers... "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche.'"

The Rude Customer
 

Frankie T

Member
May jokes 21
I had to ring the wife today:
"The baby swallowed a battery from the TV remote! What should I do?"
"Ring 999 immediately!" she screamed, so I did.
"Hello, emergency services... which service do you require?"
"Not sure...the telly's stuck on Antiques Roadshow."
 
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