May jokes 21
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SCAM/CONMAN ALERT...!

There’s a shady looking man going around claiming to be an Interior Decorator..?!?!?

Boris and Carrie. From London are his latest Victims. 1f641.png

The Conman left their Flat, looking like Hilda Ogden's coalman did it.

*


It’s alleged that it’s left Tory donors £80,000 out of pocket.
 
May jokes 21
A Man rides up to the US/Mexico border on his Bicycle.

He has two Large Bags over his shoulders.

The Border Guard stops him. “What’s in the Bags”..??? he asks.

“SAND”, says the Man,

The Border Guard asks the Man to hand the Bags over for inspection.?

The Guard empties the Bags out, but finds nothing but SAND..?!?!?

He sends the man on his way.

A week later, the same man Cycles up to the Border again.

Like last time, he has two Bags slung over his shoulder.

“What have you got in the Bags”..?? asks the Guard.

“SAND”, says the Man.

The Guard examines the Gags again and finds they contain nothing but Sand.

He gives the bags back to the man and sends him on his way.

This goes on every week for Three Years.

Finally, the Man stops appearing at the Border Crossing.

Years go by and the Border Guard eventually Retires.

One day, he’s walking through a nearby town when he sees the Same Man sitting in a Cafe.

“Hey,” says the Old Guard. “I Remember You".

"I’m sure you were Smuggling something through my Crossing Station. I’m positive you were, but I never figured out what it was. It used to drive me crazy. Just between you and me, we’re you actually Smuggling stuff”..???

“YES,” says the Man.

“HAH...!” says the Old Guard.

“I knew it. But I always searched you so thoroughly. What on earth were you Smuggling”..???

The Man replies,



“Bicycles.”
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
May jokes 21
"Good morning class," A university professor greets his brand new students. "Welcome to your first official day of training. But before we begin, I'd like to ask each student to quickly introduce themselves and give a little information on what led them to be interested in this particular field of work."
The blond student in the first seat stands up.
"Hello everyone!" The blond addresses, "Probably like many of you, I grew up in a small town. My dad was a farmer, of course. I remember as a little kid, I used to love helping him out with the land and the animals. I would assist him any chance I got. Even our neighbours, when they would let me! So, like many of you probably, I thought to myself why not do it for a living?"
After brief silence, the professor replies "And that's why you've chosen this profession? Because of your love of assisting farmers?"
"That's right!" The Blonde student replies proudly. "I want to be a pharmacist."
 
May jokes 21
Walking around our Town Centre earlier.

I saw a "Missing Cat" Poster, which read:-

"Missing from the Town Centre area, since Saturday:- Our 3-year-old Cat, called Tiddles". (pictured).

It went on to say,

"He is recently Neutered, wears a Flea Collar with a Big Bell in it, to alert any Birds nearby, and is on a strict Vegan Diet".

Underneath some clever A-Hole wrote:



"And you're surprised he's Upped and Buggered Off"..???
 
May jokes 21
CATHOLIC HORSES.

A punter was at the Horse Races playing the Ponies and all but losing his Shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and “Blessed” the forehead of one of the Horses lining up for the 4th Race.

Lo and behold, that Horse - a very long shot - WON the Race.

Next race, as the Horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the Horses.

The poor old Punter made a beeline for a Betting Window and placed a small bet on the Horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the Horse WON the Race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which Horse the Priest would Bless next..???

He bet big on it, and it Won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his Worldly Savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which Horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the Forehead of a 20 year old Nag, that was the Longest Shot of the Day.

This time the Priest blessed the Eyes, Ears, and Hooves of the old Nag.

The Punter knew he had a Winner and bet every cent he owned on the old Nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old Nag came in Stone Last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

Confronting him, he demanded, “Father, Father..! What happened..??? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings"...!

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

'Son,' he said,




"That's the problem with you frigging Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple Blessing and The Last Rites"..???
 

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