mollag

Kipper restorer
March Jokes '21.
You must be over 50 to understand this.
Nelson Mandella's coffin was made in 10 days from the finest Brazilian Mahogany,
Amy Winehouse's coffin was made in 5 days from best Canadian teak,
David Coleman's was made in 3 days from top British Oak,
and Gene Pitney's coffin was made in 24 hours from Balsa
 
March Jokes '21.
163338739_277570193746529_3033468999768770410_o.jpg


Jose Mourhino was Wheeling his Shopping Trolley across the Tesco Supermarket car park.

When he noticed an Old Lady struggling with her Bags of Shopping.

He stopped and asked,

“Can you manage dear..?”

To which the Old Lady replied,




“Naff Off. No Way, You got yourself into this mess, don’t go asking me, to sort it out for you"..
 

merpip

Happy Member
March Jokes '21.
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
One Englishman said he was going to wind the Irishman up. He walked over to the Irishman and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy," he said.
"Oh really, hmm, I didn't know that," said the Irishman.
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn't care!" he said.
"You just don't know how to set him off. Watch and learn," the second Englishman said. He walked over and tapped the Irishman on the shoulder.
"I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!" he shouted.
"Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you," said the Irishman.
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he is unshakable!" he said.
The third Englishman said, "No, no, no, I will really piss him off.
You just watch." The Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman!"
"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me," the Irishman replied.
 
March Jokes '21.
I have a Super-Power.



I can look my Wife directly in the Face for 10 minutes straight and Not Hear a Single Word.
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
March Jokes '21.
WATER IN THE CARBURETOR

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool".

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

THE PHONE

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

 

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