March Jokes '21.

[Derek Payne]

Things you Don't Want to do in the Nude.

10. Fry Bacon.

9. Arc Weld.

8. Bathe a Cat.

7. Operate a Snow Blower .

6. Clear a patch of Poison Ivy.

5. Insulate your Attic with Fiberglass.

4. Operate a Lathe.

3. Present a Children's Television Show.

2. Take Mass with the Pope.

And the "Number 1" thing, not to do in the Nude: -

*

1. Pick up a Bar of Soap from the Prison Shower Room.

 

[Derek Payne]

Now “Lockdown” is nearly over.

I went to my local Jobcentre earlier, to see if they had anything for me..??

The Desk Girl said, “We have a few positions in Data Entry”.

“Sorry my dear”, I replied, “But I can't use a Computer”.

“You can't use a Computer..??? Seriously..?? In this Day and Age..?? Are you Mentally Handicapped or Summat..?? she kept banged on at me.

“NO”, I replied,

*


“But, it's one of my Judge’s, Bail Conditions”.

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[IbrahimAbi]

I really had to think about this one!

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Bramidan]

I really had to think about this one!

I read it about 3 times, it was not going to beat me!

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

I've just had to tell my Patient, that his Plastic Surgery has gone horribly wrong.



I will never forget the look on his Elbow.

 

[IbrahimAbi]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

I couldn't afford a DNA Ancestry Kit.

So, I just announced on Facebook, that I had Won the Lottery Jackpot.


I quickly found out, who all my Relatives are.??

 

[bulldogxbmc]

What's the biggest cause of dry skin?




Towels.

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

Please stop posting your Lockdown problems on, "The Turkish Living Forum".



And start Drinking Alcohol, like the rest of us.

 

[Kanga]

A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre so he gave her one.

 

[IbrahimAbi]