Frankie T

Member
June Jokes '21.
I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.
 

Frankie T

Member
June Jokes '21.
As me and the wife were talking about our romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.

She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."

So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
June Jokes '21.
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping…
 

merpip

Happy Member
June Jokes '21.
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions:

Officer: "What's 2+2?"
Blonde: "Ummmmm... 4!"

Officer: "What's the square root of 100?"
Blonde: "Ummmm... 10!"

Officer: "Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Blonde: "Ummmm... I dunno."
Officer: "Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow."

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde says, excitedly. "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
 
June Jokes '21.
A little Old Lady tried to phone her local Bank but was put through instead to the Bank's call centre in India.

“Is that the Cardiff High Street branch”..??? she asked.

“No Madam,” replied the voice at the other end.

“It is now Company Policy to deal with Telephone Calls in a Centrally Controlled Region”.

“Well I really need to speak to the Cardiff Branch,” said the Old Lady.

“Madam, if you just let me know your Query, I’m sure I can help you”..???

“I don’t think you can, Young Man. I need to speak to the Branch.”

The Call Centre operator was adamant, and he was starting to lose his cool with her.

“There’s nothing that the Branch can help you with that can’t be Dealt with by ME”.. the Operator bellowed.

“Very Well Then,” sighed the Old Lady.




“Can you just Check on the Counter..?? And see If left my Dark Blue Gloves behind, when I came in earlier this Morning”..???
 
June Jokes '21.
Spurs and England footballer, Harry Kane,

Has visited Christian Eriksen in hospital, who is recovering from a Cardiac Arrest during Denmark's game against Finland.

"He's managed to string a Few Words together and is making good progress,"

*


said ERIKSEN afterwards.
 

Frankie T

Member
June Jokes '21.
Phil and some friends were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21", and there was a small uproar of laughter.

A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up.

Phil, confused about this, asked his friend, "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out?"

His friend said, "Well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number."

Phil said, "Can I try?"

His friend nodded and Phil called out, "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after.

"Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" Phil asked.

His friend said with a small chuckle, "We haven't heard that one before."
 
June Jokes '21.
I’m told that a Double Kebab is the best thing ever, for Soaking Up Beer..?!?!?

To Be Honest,

*


I've always found 3 Ply Kitchen Roll, to be a lot more Effective.
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
June Jokes '21.
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says: "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blond. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
 

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