Judging People

[ceemac]

Do you believe that you can or indeed should judge people on the basis of what you see?

For over 32 years I worked in a job where I met lots of people on a daily basis and found it was possible about 9 times out of ten, to form a fairly basic though accurate impression of the type of person they were.

This 'picture' would be formed by taking into account the persons clothing, hairstyle, manner, gait, general appearance, and sometimes, just good old gut instinct.

Some years ago, this 'ability' paid off when I saw a man walking around the area where I live, not particularly doing anything, just walking. There was just something about his demeanour though that screamed 'something not right' at me. Anyway, he got into a car that I luckily got the number and colour etc of, and drove off.

A couple of days later, a detective called at the house asking if we'd seen anything suspicious as there had been a couple of incidents in the area. I gave him all these details. It transpired that this guy was a long sought after burglar with a liking for jewellry and they caught him as the result of my giving them the car details and putting in the area where burglaries had occurred. They also found an aladdins cave of goodies at his home that he hadn't had time to get rid of.

That's the most prominent example I can give, but I find I can usually judge people well enough to either want to speak with them or give them a wide berth!!

C

 

[shirleyanntr]

oh dear Craig..i find that's very naive and judgmental.
i was also in a job where i was involved with people and i would never decide their character or anything else about them through their clothing or demeanor.
im sure if you met me you would form an entirely wrong opinion of me just by looking.

 

[bobthenob]

l would never judge a person by their character.l known a tramp many years ago living on a park bench minding his own business causing no harm to no one.But because of his appearance and being a down and out,people passed judgement onto him.

l spoke to the guy,because of pity and wanted to see if l can in some way give him some hope.He stunk of urine,but that is not important.l wanted to get inside his head and just find out what has happened to him that put him in this position.

He pulled out some photo's of his family that he darly loved and always carried them with him as still being with his family.A very beautiful wife and 3 children[l think]He told me he had a happy family life,with a good professional job and house.

l don't know roughly the whole story,but it had something to do with his family died in some tragic accident that left him in such mental turmoil,where he just left and gave up in life.And the only thing that keeps him going are these photograph.

Of course it is naturally to judge another person for survival reasons,whether to fight or take flight.lf a person dresses in a offensive manner,one would judge that person as to be aware.Also the body language reveals how that person comes over as,whether as a tense up aggressive menacing eyes with signs of a sinister nature.Which are signals to be on your gaurd.Or as a person that comes over as a kind gentle with non menacing eyes,will relax one's gaurd since this person is not threatening.
lt really is about knowing how to judge that person whether he is a threat or not to yourself and your loved one's

 

[Bubskar]

Congratulations on your knack - I thought I had this ability - but soon learned I got it wrong 7 out of 10.

 

[fethiyebug]

i think your so right bob, i also think once you start to judge people in that manner you then start to label them and once your labelled your categorised....i have met people i have been rather wary of only to end up having really interesting conversations where we have completely understood each other. I think the biggerst problem nowadays is that we judge far too quickly if we dont like what we see we put up barriers,if we like what we see we are sometimes too trusting. we are such complex charachters we need a fair bit of time before being judged.

it would be quite interesting to see how we judge each other on the forum too, i guess the majority of us have not met each other face to face but based on what we read of one another i wonder what judgements we have so far.... or what people thought of others they made freinds with on the forum and then met was, their judgement on that person right or wrong?

 

[Martyn]

They say we judge someone within 30 seconds of meeting them but as time goes often you are proved wrong.

 

[bobthenob]

They say we judge someone within 30 seconds of meeting them but as time goes often you are proved wrong.

This proves that we are not qualified to pass judgement.We can be aware of how that person comes over as,but we must not judge that person.

 

[Tess]

I think regardless of first impressions we should give everyone the benefit of the doubt and in a lot of cases our first impression of them is changed. I realise it is not possible to like everyone for many reasons but I do try to give everyone a chance first.

 

[Martyn]

Sometimes someone comes across as quite tough/harsh whatever you want to call it but after getting beneath the exterior they are actually nice people.

 

[Mack]

Ive found that the most interesting people in life are the ones who dont actually care what anyone else thinks about them anyway.

I certainly would never judge anyone, we are complex beings and as in the great example by Bob of the "tramp" - there but for the grace of god go us all - Judgmental people want to narrow the world down to a black and white point of view and theres so many other wonderful colours in peoples personalities and souls that you miss a huge chance in education and experience by dismissing or labelling them so quickly.

Ill bet for most of us the people and friends that stick in our minds from the past have been ones that we have been quick to pigeon hole then been pleasantly surprised to have been wrong!

In Ceemacs defence though I can understand this level of paranoia and rush to judgement after browsing through these......! The Stasi wouldve been proud

 

[maggie]

I think all of us are quilty of forming first impression judgements of people.

Sometimes there is just a gut instinct which tells you you dont want to try to get to know that particular person any better.

I have gone thro life pretty much talking to anyone I meet be it in the U.K. or anywhere I happen to be.I know we all teach our children not to talk to strangers but as a small child my Mum would find me chatting away to almost everyone.

I must admit nowadays I am a wee bit more wary and certain people I have formed first opinions on have in fact turned out totally different as to how I first percivied them.

I think you really do have to give people a chance listen to what they have to say,decide if they are on your wavelength ,before you can really form a true evaluation of that person.

Im afraid a lot of people thro my life have fallen by the way side as I was too soon to judge them accepted them as someone I liked only to find I had them totally wrong and I no longer regarded them as a friend or associate.

Hugs Maggie xxx

 

[nanamo]

I never judge a person by appearance and try to give everyone the same time and consideration, everyone has a right to be heard and has a right to dress as they wish. I can give two examples which confirm this opinion. A long time ago on a warm summer day my children were playing in the front garden when a tramp stopped to speak to them, like mother hen I rushed out to gather my chicks around me but then he spoke. He had a warm soft voice and twinkly eyes. He said he was sorry if he had frightened the children and asked for a glass of water. I ushered the children inside and went out with a plastic beaker of water intending afterwards to throw it in the bin. We ended up talking at the garden gate for over an hour. He didnt tell me his circumstances or even his name but that conversation touched my heart and I have never forgotton him. He told me about the beauty in the natural world and explained that he had seen wonderful things that most people never see, foxes giving birth and a disabled baby deer with a hare as a best friend, apparently he lived deep in the local forest and I never saw him again. And the second example is of a guy named Frank, he was covered in tattoo's and piercings long before it was fashionable, he wore his head shaved or grew hair and dyed it bright colours and tatty clothes, he was very tall and would certainly frighten you in a dark ally but he was the best mental health nurse I have ever worked with. His patience and virtue shone out and he was loved and adored by all his patients and staff. If ever a nurse deserved a reward it was Frank. He spent most of his spare time taking disadvantaged people on outings all paid for for by himself and was always on duty, he lived for that job but died of cancer at 29. I hope people look inside me and not judge me by my appearance, they say never judge a book by its cover dont they.
Molly x.

 

[Saoirse]

Its best to take an instant dislike to people............saves a lot of time

 

[bobthenob]

Just an example how many can pass judgement without thinking what their doing is wrong.
A man has a new flashy car and dresses in the best clothing.He associates himself with the social scene of people in high places.He gives his kids the best education,private health,etc.

The other side is a man with no priviliges that is struggling hard on a wage he can ill afford to buy food to put on the table for his family.He has no car and and does not sociallize,where the money flows like water.

How would you judge these two,if they were put side by side.Would you go for the one that is expensively clean dressed with a show of materialistic.Saying this guy must be all right,l'll get to know him more.

Or!,would you go for a guy that looks mentally fatigued and dresses in second hand clothing with no assetts of wealth to show.Would you just pass him on and judge him as a loser or would you look a little further into the persons personality.

The first guy attracts the one's with no wisdom,but also a desire only to fuel selfish judgement.
How did he make his money that gave him this freedom.Was it through knocking off a few people to gain this wealth,was it about altering the rules to exploit the taxpayers money and dam to them all type attitude,or was it from building huge complexes and selling them on without any of the legal papers.
lf this is the case.Then l judge this man as pure evil and is not wise,but very foolish.This means the system rewards foolishness and evil practices.

The other person that has nothing but works by the rules without commiting any acts of criminal behaviour,cultivates a love for wisdom that promotes a strength of morals that bonds a family and community together.This man has no intention of chasing money,because of what injurious things it brings in one's life.
But he is quite happy to have a code of giving kindness to others without thinking of what he gets back in return.

l judge this person as non threatening and wise.He upholds what is so precious to society and that is honesty and trust

 

[Harem]

I met somebody from the forum who had appeared to be a very nice, funny and honest person. I took an instant dislike to this person in the flesh. Just wish I had gone by my gut feeling instead of giving the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Saoirse]

here we go again

I apologised about what happened that day and I came back round next day, fully dressed this time and removed my goat herd from your front lawn.

let it go Harem,

 

[peter the postie]

They say we judge someone within 30 seconds of meeting them but as time goes often you are proved wrong.

Turned out to be correct when I met you, you boring old fart!!! :bounce:

 

[Guz1]

Experience has taught me never to judge people for fear they will use my own criteria to judge me. Anyway, I was always a terrible judge of character. Nowadays I just take people as they come. I would never be able to report a stranger to the police because chances are the "stranger" would be someone from the area that I just hadn't noticed before.

 

[Terry the Celt]

Mack quote

Ive found that the most interesting people in life are the ones who dont actually care what anyone else thinks about them anyway

Being dead boring is looking better by the day to me!
Rather have friends and people who like me than be interesting and successful with a thicker skin any day of the week.
Back to the lawn mowing before it rains.
Carry on folks

 

[Tess]

I often find the person who has less materialistically is a more grounded and honest person and has much more of the likeability factor than those who have found status and wealth as life has gone on. As we grew up we were often reminded when judging folks to 'Never forget the Bowl you were baked in' works for me!!!!! :cheer2: