Jan Jokes '21.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to demonstrate his decision making ability and wanted to immediately take action to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make £300 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy £1200 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice,



“Yeah, he's the Delivery Guy from Domino's Pizza”.
 
Jan Jokes '21.
My Wife's come back home after her Breast Reduction Operation.



And I must say, she looks much better with just the Two. :)
 
Jan Jokes '21.
Can somebody explain to me..??

With all this Wet Weather about lately,

Why don't Farmers, Farm Crabs..???

Cos, Crab Meat is about 100 times more expensive than Beef.

And as Crabs, only walk Sideways,

*

Farmers would only have to Fence Off, Two Sides of their Fields.?

(Seems totally obvious to me).
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
Jan Jokes '21.
Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease. They’re explaining how his smoking weed has led to his condition worsening. “But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?”

Dr. Jenkins sighed. “Nature isn't all innocent. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just 5 minutes, you will die.

Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe for you!” The man seemed to accept that, and promised to stop his smoking.

After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith asked, “Oh by the way, what IS that plant that kills you if you sit under it?”


“A water lily."

The Doctor's Plants
 
Jan Jokes '21.
Did You Know..??

My Wife is such a Noisy Eater..?!?!?

And, it's gotten so bad lately.

That when she started to Drink Soup in a Top, Posh Restaurant we were in.

*


Six couples got up and started to Line Dance..
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Jan Jokes '21.
I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives..
Looks like I’m about to start a religious movement.......🥴
 

Kanga

Member
Jan Jokes '21.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to demonstrate his decision making ability and wanted to immediately take action to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make £300 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy £1200 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice,



“Yeah, he's the Delivery Guy from Domino's Pizza”.
It's said that Robert Maxwell really did that to a delivery boy he saw by the lift in his office.
 

Jaycey

African Refugee
Jan Jokes '21.
A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog. His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Say, that's pretty neat." replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"
 
Last edited:

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Jan Jokes '21.
A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog. His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Say, that's pretty neat." replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb!"

The Drug Sniffing Dog
Remove the link, or we will read your jokes before you get up!
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Jan Jokes '21.
I'd advise all of you not to hit the emergency stop button on a treadmill going at high speed.
I did earlier and some poor fecker went flying........... :confused:
 

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