Irish & Paddy Jokes.

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

I wondered growing up as a child in a Catholic Irish family.



"Does the Pope pay for his online shopping with his Papal account".

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

"Hello, Paddy here. Is that the Undertaker"..???

"Yes Sir, how may I help you"..??

"My Wife's just passed away. Could you please come and retrieve her Body"..?? says Paddy.

"My Condolences, Sir. Where do you Live"..?? asks the Undertaker.

"168 Eucalyptus Drive." Paddy replies.

"Could you spell that out for me, sir"..??

*


"How's 'bout, I just drag her to the Corner of OAK ROAD and you pick her up from there"..??

 

[Derek Payne]

Paddy was in his local Dart’s Team.

But he didn't know where to go for a Holiday, once “Lockdown”, was over.

So Mick, put a Map of the World, across the Dart Board.

And Mick told him, wherever his Dart hits, that’s where he would go..??




Paddy had a lovely Two Weeks, sitting by the Skirting Board in the Pub.

 

[Derek Payne]

Paddy driving down the Motorway towing a Trailer, and he gets stopped by the Garda Traffic Police.

The Cop asks Paddy,

"OK, what's in the trailer Paddy"..??

Paddy replies, "Race Horses, cos we be going to the Leopardstown Races".

"But the Trailer's Empty"..?!?!? says the Cop.

"I Know". replies Paddy.




"Dat's cos, I'm taking the Non Runners first".

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

Paddy walks into a Doctor's surgery and says to the Receptionist.

"I'd like an appointment to see the Doctor please"..??

Receptionist,

"OK, how about 10 tomorrow"..??



Paddy. "Bejaysus Miss, I don't need that many".

 

[Derek Payne]

Hey, Paddy..! How's your new Pet Fish doing.??? You told me he was really something Special"..???

Paddy :- “To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me, said I could teach him to Sing like a Bird”...

Del :- “So let me get this right. You bought a Fish because you thought you could teach him to Sing like a Bird.??? I can't believe it”...!

Paddy :- “Well, yeah. After all, he is a Parrot Fish”..?!?!?

Del :- “I hate to tell you this, Paddy, but while you might be able to teach a Parrot BIRD to Sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a Parrot FISH”...

Paddy :-

*


“That's what you think..! He CAN Sing all right. The thing is, he keeps Singing Off-Key. And it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to Tuna Fish”..???

 

[Derek Payne]

On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the Pub.

The barman poured him a Beer and asked if he wanted to be in a Raffle..???

"What's It For"..?? asked Paddy..

"It's for a poor Widow with 13 Kids." said the barman.

Paddy shook his Head,



"Nah, tis no good for me. Our house is only a 2 Bedder".

 

[IbrahimAbi]

Paddy watches Murphy filling in his census form. 'What have you put down septagenarian for?' says Paddy.
'Coz oy was born in September' replies Murphy.
'Suppose that makes me an Octagenarian' says Murphy, 'Oy'd better go and lie down'.

 

[Derek Payne]

Paddy walks into a Doctor's office and the Doctor sits him down.

"OK what's your problem sir"..??

"I'm Half Deaf", Paddy replied.

"That's Ridiculous"..! says the Doc. "You can't be Half Deaf. There's no such thing"..

"Oh Yes There Is". says Paddy.

"OK. OK..! Go down the Hall and I'll shout out a Number and you shout it back"..??
"OK.. !" says Paddy.

When he got to the End of the Hallway the Doctor shouts down.

"88", shouted the Doctor.





"44", Paddy shouts back.