Jaycey

African Refugee
Humour, Rude not Racist
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.
She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"
The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."
"C'mon man.... give it a try... " She says.
Old man says okay. They go in. The moment they get to the bed, the old timer becomes a machine and makes passionate love to her an hour straight.
When he's done, the prostitute catches her breath. Exhausted and tired she says, "But you said you won't be able to...."
"...pay you." completed the old man.

A Senior Customer
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Humour, Rude not Racist
A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I
lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points
for me to take you on right away.

Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm but you can start tomorrow
at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to
4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for
any special treatment y'know"

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the
interviewer says,
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and
scratching our bollocks. There's no point in you coming in for that."
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Humour, Rude not Racist
A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers,

'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1, you have to be single and

2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK.

My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Humour, Rude not Racist
The Polite Way to Pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'


Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying:
'That would be rude and impolite’.


What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said:
'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'


'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said:
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
 

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