Humour, Rude not Racist
Boris Johnson is out Jogging and accidentally falls into a very cold River.

Three Young Boys see the Accident and without a second thought,

They jump into the Water and drag out the soaking wet Johnson.

Boris says,

"Boys, you have Saved my Life and deserve a Reward. You name it and I'll give it to you"..

The First Boy says, "I'd like a Holiday to Disneyland."

He says, "Certainly."

The Second Boy says, "I'd like an MP3 player."

He says, "No Problem."

The Third Boy says, " I'd like a Wheelchair with a Built-In Stereo attached to it."

Boris says, "HEY.. But you're Not Handicapped".

The Boy replies, "Not Yet",

*


"But I fucking will be, when my Dad finds out, I saved you from Drowning".
 

Frankie T

Member
Humour, Rude not Racist
My missus was preparing to mow the garden yesterday, when I noticed the extention lead she had got out of the shed was all frayed, showing bare wires. It had also been raining a little that afternoon and the grass was still pretty damp.

"Woah love, fucking hell!" I shouted. "You shouldn't be using that."

"Why not?" she demanded.

"It's a petrol mower, you thick cunt."
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Humour, Rude not Racist
It's going to be a long day.
I'm at a mate's wedding in Barnsley and I just whispered to a bloke next to me "isnt the bride a right ugly dog".
"Do you mind ? That's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were her father"
"I'm not -I'm her feckin mother "........ 😲
 

IbrahimAbi

Grey wisdom
Humour, Rude not Racist
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies.
'You actually understood and answered me. !'
'I got every word,' says the parrot.
'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.
You can't see it, because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy.
'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.
I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the £200.00 price tag.
'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for £20, just make the guy an offer.!'
The guy offers £20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'
'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.
'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'
'Yes.
Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
 

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