Some little Scottish prick in McDonald's was lecturing me about red meat and saturated fat today.
"I suppose you learned that in Uni, did you pal?" I said.
"The University of Life mate!" he replied.
"Fuck off!" I snapped "Don't ever fucking say that. You're what? 18? 19? I'm twice your age, kid. I've shagged dozens of women, been married twice, and fathered three kids. I have a mortgage. I vote. I once broke a man's jaw. I watched my mother die. I've taken drugs and shit in bushes. Don't talk to me about life, you little shit. You're still at home clinging to your mummy's apron strings and popping your zits."