mollag

Kipper restorer
Humour, Rude not Racist
Jennifer, a manager at a local Lidl store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.*
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.'
She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Wally, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Wally replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.'
'WHAT !?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said Wally. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit myself..'
Wally is now working at a Lidl near you.......




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Humour, Rude not Racist
One of Merkel’s assistants says to her,

“Madam, we’re Mining from way too many Coal Mines.”

Merkel replies, “Well, Mine Less.”

A Writer and Grammar expert, then turns to Her and says,


“Mine FEWER”...?!?!?



Merkel looks up and says, “YES”..??
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Humour, Rude not Racist
How many Lefty, Woke A-Holes, does it take to screw in Lightbulb.?


100. One to screw it in and 99 to complain about how White it is.
My acronym storage is full, this "trend" of acronyms for everything is a mystery to me, Woke--no idea, Blm? ditto, Bame--meh! Lg
bgt No idea--- Im ok with MGBGT, BSA. TTFN and the very fine Glasgow acronym AAS [ Away an sh!te ] :cool:
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Humour, Rude not Racist
Last night we did some "role play" in the bedroom, but the wife was not into it at all...
"What's wrong ?" I asked her, "Most women love a man in uniform !"
"Yeah," she replied, "but not when they're dressed as a Girl Guide"........
 
Humour, Rude not Racist
OK, so Prince Harry went off and Married his mixed-race girlfriend Meghan Markle.

Personally, I think that's terrible.

Can you imagine it..??

All those Centuries of Selective Breeding.

Only to go off and Mate with someone of an Inferior Genetic make-up.

Still,

*


I suppose it's her business if she wanted to go off and Marry a Ginger.
 
Humour, Rude not Racist
I think I banged a famous Chinese celebrity last night..?!?!?


She kept screaming,


"I'm Wei-Tu-Yung. I'm Wei-Tu-Yung"..



Like, I was supposed to know her Name or something..??
 
Humour, Rude not Racist
Ran into my Ex-Wife today.


She wondered if we'd ever get back together someday..??

"I Doubt It", I replied.



Cos, now I'm always Sober.
 

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