Emeraldtiger

New Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hello all, I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, I feel at a bit of a loss and maybe looking for some words of advice or maybe some reassurance.
I am 26 years old and moved to Bursa Turkey from Scotland in August. I got married to my wonderful husband after 3 years in a long distance relationship and we are finally together.
I suppose the biggest thing that is currently effecting my mental state is living surrounded by concrete apartments and not much greenery to be seen. I have always lived in the country back in the UK my lifestyle was very much walking the dogs through fields and woodland and I also had horses which I have given up to be here. I know it may seem silly, but I really miss the picturesque countryside.
I am also struggling with living in an apartment all be it a lovely one, I miss having a garden.
I miss having a car, we just can't justify the cost of running a car here in Turkey compared to the cost of public transport. But I do find when you have something you take it for granted.
I feel very lonely I don't have any family or friends here and with the current situation I feel like I will never meet anyone to call a friend.
On top of all my challenges to adapt to my new life, I found out I am now pregnant (yes we were using protection). I was not planning at all to have children this early, but it is what it is.
My experience at the government hospital hasn't been a good one I feel I was treated the same way some people back in the UK treat foreigners. My husband wasn't allowed in the room with the doctor and during ultrasound. They themselves didn't know English and so were asking me questions which I could not understand and became so disrespectful. I have never experienced such treatment in the UK and even the dentist I went to here in turkey had more compassion. So it really shocked me.
I suppose I am having doubts about my current living situation I'm worried about having a baby here and whether or not my husband will be able to be with me in the delivery room. I suspect he won't but I really can't go through this alone.
I'm sorry again if this isn't the best place for my rant I just don't know where to go and I find little advice online.
Thank you for reading and I wish you all best of health.
 

Camden

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hi, Emeraldtiger I sympathise with your position and understand how homesick you must feel. It is a complete life change, from countryside, to metropolitan, loving family to new family , the loss of freedom and independence that car owning gives etc reinforced by restrictions caused by a Pandemic. There is very little anyone can do about your situation but send virtual hugs and moral support. Is it to late to go home to have the baby and return after ? as at least you would have the support of your own family and an NHS which has a better bedside manner ( I don't think your care in a TC hospital is because you are a foreigner but never been known for the equivalent of UK beside manner ) I have added links that might be of some interest

BIWA (BURSA INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S ASSOCIATION) is a registered non-profit, non-political and non-religious social organization that brings together international-minded women of all ages and cultures in Bursa.


MAIN GOALS

  • to provide a social network for international women and help them integrate easily in their new environment
  • to encourage communication and friendship between foreign and Turkish women in Bursa
  • to provide opportunities for personal dev



Link too Weekend Mornings at Bursa Haflinger Çiftliği


P.S. welcome to the forum ..feel free to post on any subject that may interest you.... to get to know members ...
 
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TLF Admin

Administrator
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Welcome to the forum and Turkey, I feel your angst from reading your post.

Sorry I can't give you much comfort about your situation but maybe one of female members can come along and give advice.

Any new environment is going to take time to settle in, especially where you are an outsider unable to communicate.

My only advice would be to deal with matters quickly and not wait too long.

Wish you good health and hope it all works out for you and your family.
 

Emeraldtiger

New Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hi, Emeraldtiger I sympathise with your position and understand how homesick you must feel. It is a complete life change, from countryside, to metropolitan, loving family to new family , the loss of freedom and independence that car owning gives etc reinforced by restrictions caused by a Pandemic. There is very little anyone can do about your situation but send virtual hugs and moral support. Is it to late to go home to have the baby and return after ? as at least you would have the support of your own family and an NHS which has a better bedside manner ( I don't think your care in a TC hospital is because you are a foreigner but never been known for the equivalent of UK beside manner ) I have added links that might be of some interest

BIWA (BURSA INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S ASSOCIATION) is a registered non-profit, non-political and non-religious social organization that brings together international-minded women of all ages and cultures in Bursa.


MAIN GOALS

  • to provide a social network for international women and help them integrate easily in their new environment
  • to encourage communication and friendship between foreign and Turkish women in Bursa
  • to provide opportunities for personal dev



Link too Weekend Mornings at Bursa Haflinger Çiftliği


P.S. welcome to the forum ..feel free to post on any subject that may interest you.... to get to know members ...
Thank you kindly for your reply and kind words. I'm sorry if I came across as I wanted strangers to sort my situation. I just feel a bit of despair at the moment and I don't want to sound like I'm always moaning to my husband not that he doesn't mind I just feel I'll start sounding like a broken record haha
My pregnancy is still early days yet won't be due till August. My parents would prefer I am in the UK to give birth, however along with this pandemic it makes all travel a little more tricky and uncertain. My husband wouldn't be able to come either. So i am also looking at maybe going private and getting a doctor who is able to speak English, I am a veterinary nurse and all be it for animals I have a good understanding of medicine and so I like to be informed of my health. My first experience I felt helpless and a bit like a child. Which I unfortunately feel a lot more since moving here and relying upon my husband so much.
My husband tells me to not expect much from government workers even in a hospital setting, the whole system just felt like a cattle market and was not a joyous one at all.
Thank you ever so much for your time and for providing the links I will take a look.
Best wishes to you
 

Camden

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Thank you kindly for your reply and kind words. I'm sorry if I came across as I wanted strangers to sort my situation. I just feel a bit of despair at the moment and I don't want to sound like I'm always moaning to my husband not that he doesn't mind I just feel I'll start sounding like a broken record haha
My pregnancy is still early days yet won't be due till August. My parents would prefer I am in the UK to give birth, however along with this pandemic it makes all travel a little more tricky and uncertain. My husband wouldn't be able to come either. So i am also looking at maybe going private and getting a doctor who is able to speak English, I am a veterinary nurse and all be it for animals I have a good understanding of medicine and so I like to be informed of my health. My first experience I felt helpless and a bit like a child. Which I unfortunately feel a lot more since moving here and relying upon my husband so much.
My husband tells me to not expect much from government workers even in a hospital setting, the whole system just felt like a cattle market and was not a joyous one at all.
Thank you ever so much for your time and for providing the links I will take a look.
Best wishes to you
No, don't worry you didn't come across as wanting strangers to sort your situation, just a tad lonely, due to your situation, homesickness and maybe raging hormones understandable.... I would never presume to give advice but when me and my partner have a child I would prefer her if pregnant, and in say the same situation, she was with the familiar surroundings and felt safe in mind and comfort which would be in the UK, not being unkind to Turkey but peace of mind, so can understand your parents . I am sure your partner would understand . I think at the moment you need something to keep you occupied a foreign friend to visit or speak to, with your Veterinary skills it might come in handy as a volunteer at some local vet or animal sanctuary or even the riding school I linked as per Pandemic restrictions of course ... anyway best of luck keep us informed of your choices or progress ....
 
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Meah

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hi ,sorry to hear you are struggling to settle, as someone suggested I would advise to join the BIWA. Having people around that are like minded really does help .
I've been here 10 years and to be honest I'm finding each year harder and harder . I gave birth here too all on my own and the doctor only spoke very little English .My experience was great actually and I just got on with it but advice from doctors as my child has grown I've found bizarre. My family doctor once suggested rubbing my child's back in honey and wrapping her up in it for 1 day.
Feel free to private message me and maybe I can give you more of an idea about life here and the experiences I have had .


Meah
 

McB

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Meah it woul be great to hear your experiences...please do share.

Emeraldtiger, dont despair, there is alot to think and worry about, and that is normal...BUT the best way through it is the FAST way... mind control... yes issues exist but worrying isnt the way, problem solving is, and there is plenty of time for all that, now is too soon to worry about delivery... it will all be all right on the day...!

Your experience at hospital is not to be expected but does happen, and can prevented in future simply by having your husand mention the situation to hospital management and politely asking for a more sensitive member of staff to assist in future... just one word from the management will fix the problem of the staff members' oversight....and maybe using a mobile fone for having your husand translate the staffs questions if relatives are not allowed in the ultra-sound room... or if mobile fone signals are forbidden, then maybe he can stand outside the door and translate from their...or ...guess what... an English speaing member of staff...! Yes such solutions exist (widely...

You may encounter that approach to being a foreigner in future but dont let it concern you unduly because it simply releects lainess and a bit of prejudice, which we all encounter everyday everywhere in various forms. The est defnse is an understanding smile and polite patience to PERSEVERE with your purpose. And..

...and learning a bit of Turkish... which will improve you life immeasurably.. check out some on-line apps, local practice friends that like to practise their English ..etc You want to be in that place and the years that you are not, are WASTED so GET CRACKING today for a better tommorrow.

Travel is challenging in your situation but make a note to paste on the refrigerator (so your husband sees it every day ) to make time and plan to have a look around at the extensive horse corrals outside Bursa... I think they are part of the Jockey Club somehow. Once visited, more ideas will spring to mind for future plans..

Turkish preference for living in concrete apartment blocks is unfamilar but is a local trait as you will notice if you have ever looked at the pictures of ancient honeycombed dwellings in Cappadocia. just looking at thos pictures and reflecting on them may provide you with a differnt perspective of life i close quarters... I once lived on the first floor of a 14 story apartment block in central Istanbul where the neighboring buildings across the street were not more than 5 meters away... so very dense .... it was dark and 'cave like'... and walking out the front door and into the street, looking up you could just see a small patch of blue sky the size of a postage stamp. So was not easy... BUT re-evaluation brings realisation that inside can be quite cosy especially with your loved ones... so that is where the action is at... and in the Turkish way that means...

Ensuring great very preciously considered relationship building with your husband...

And most importantly with your child and all the ways of nurturing that relationship in the period before your child emerges into the outside world ...and there are many... including the most important one for you now... which is maintaining the mental strength and proper psychological and physiological techniques which ensure your child is not unduly negatively influenced by feelings of depression, stress, etc... the period before birth is a crucial time for personality development and that knowledge provides you with plenty of loving participation for the two of you together in your cozy home...

So considering the above, you will now have a daily exercise routine best done indoors to stay fit and trim and to maintain proper hormonal balance ...

And you will have additional loving responsibilities to particpate in together with your child...

And the most obvious to spring to mind, and most aptly situated to being in Turkey, is also the past time that is perhaps best suited to the pregnancy period, because other times it can be easily substituted... and that is the journey of exploration through the world of multi-cultural influences of culinary art in Turkey... and to guide you on this journey I recommend a good Tour Guide, such as '500 Years of Ottoman Cuisine' by Marianne Yerasimos, Boyut Publishing.... in this way you will re-invent the Star Ship Enterprise and take command in your kitchen of a journey where no Scottish Lass has gone before... and once there, will never want to return... for the worlds you are about to enter are resplendent in magnificent exquisite sensory sensations that will pique your excitement every day, come what may.... which is why it is essential to maintain the daily exercise routine to keep fit and trim .... remembering that the little one inside is on-board for the ride in all dimensions of your journey...

And not to forget, this journey represents fabulous opportunities to NETWORK as your husband introduces you to the kitchens of friends & relatives mothers, sisters and wives as they gleefully impart to you the tactile skills and knowledge past down from generations in age old tradition ... and in Bursa this means exceptional local traditions because Bursa has rich Ottoman heritage, and perhaps the best fresh produce grown in Turkey on the high Karaca plain. Language skill requirments are non-existent, as you will discover, in the jovial affability of the occasion, but you will discover this is an opportunity to pick up vocabularity to complement your APP based learning ... Thinking about this I am so jealous, and getting hungry...! Please post your experience and fotos her on TLF... which can be an easy path to become a forerunner for a blog later if you feel so inclined... and will provide us poor deprived desperados on here with a regular fix of what we need and want for our own culinary craftwork...

Cant wait till you get to the Baklava... an art form for Grand Masters..!

PS sometimes it can be helpful to have a regular limited ongoing dose of phone based Engish dialogue as a customer service representative with other English people in Turkey and I have many friends with businesses that I may suggest to you if you PM me...
 

Meah

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
McB. Like I said I've been here 10 years married to a Turkish man and we have 1 child , this is my home now but its not been without it's problems and making a life here depends on so many factors .Personality ,family,love,money,being able to speak the language ,religion,education,work there's probably more that I can't think of right now .
Its slightly concerning that the OP is feeling home sick already but with some support from people who have had more experience here and living in the same area then maybe her own experience will make it more bearable.
I had to check out a few hospitals before I considered giving birth .Having a natural birth 10 years ago was uncommon as most private hospitals only gave a c-section as the only option .Saying that though as I said my birth experience here was good and my nurses were lovely .
The biggest disadvantage for me living here is not being able to speak the language and I know now I will never learn it . Which puts a lot of pressure on my husband to do everything .
Life can be great here but as with anything you have to take the rough with the smooth .
 

shash

shash
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Merhaba Emeraldtiger welcome to this valuable forum. you have probably come to the right place on TLF to start with.
The first thing I would say is that winter time in Turkey is quite different to spring, summer and autumn and things will maybe not seem so good at the moment, however spring is not far away. And life can be much better and warmer. At this moment in time during Lockdown we are all having to bear what is not normal and it's hard going for many of us. But you have the added feeling of being away from home.
I would also, as I did when I first came to Turkey 15 years ago (although I'm not living there but have experienced all seasons) i started to immediately learn the language. Not easy when you're older but you must be young so have a better opportunity to learn well. Turkish people love it if you try to speak a bit even if it's just saying hello, or goodbye or thank you, or please. You probably already know these words, anyway it's a start. You may also not feel confident in speaking in case the Turks laugh but it's normal stick with it. We all do that around the world. So maybe go to classes for language and get some good language books. Enjoy the challenge.
There is a Facebook page in Bursa called 'foreigners in Bursa'. It has to be written in English and looks like a good one to start with. You will no doubt find more useful fb sites once you join.
Make sure you and your husband get out for walks so that you become more familiar with the area and shop keepers as that will help build your confidence. You will gain knowledge along the way with every day going out.
Life certainly gives us some challenges but the good thing is that we can contact home more often and this along with the use of internet keep connected or see tv or music or films etc. Maybe not everyones need but it certainly is mine. Can you imagine not to long ago all these things were sooo difficult.
Good luck keep us posted we are all here to help you in any way we can. I have been on here for 15 years and it was the first forum that I had ever been on, and that was because i bought a home in Turkey .
 

Kanga

Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hello and welcome to the forum. I admire your courage in making a new life in Turkey, and hope your pregnancy goes well.
I would just ask, if you are going to antenatal clinic in a state hospital, have you enquired at reception for a translator? I attended a state university hospital in Mugla last year for eye operations and there was a translator available. I had her mobile number and she was really helpful. Most of the private Turkish hospitals have one, they all seem to know each other, and if you could ask at a private hospital they may know of someone who could help. That's how I found out about the one I used; word of mouth.
With respect to giving birth in UK or TC, just consider the very long term effects on your child of nationality at a later date. All Turkish born males up to age 42 must do compulsory national service, even return from abroad to TC. Dual nationality is not always helpful.

This is a small extract from the UK .gov website. Apply for citizenship if you have a British parent

You were born on or after 1 July 2006​

You’re automatically a British citizen if you were born outside the UK and all of the following apply:
  • you were born on or after 1 July 2006
  • your mother or father was a British citizen when you were born
  • your British parent could pass on their citizenship to you
Your British parent could pass on their citizenship to you if they were one of the following:
  • born or adopted in the UK
  • given citizenship after applying for it in their own right (not based on having a British parent)
  • working as a Crown servant when you were born (for example in the diplomatic service, overseas civil service or armed forces)
If you qualify for citizenship in this way, your children will not automatically become British if they’re born outside the UK. Check if you qualify another way.

Good luck, and it would be lovely to hear of the safe arrival in August, however and wherever the babe is born.
 

Emeraldtiger

New Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Thank you everyone for your time to reply and I'm sorry I didn't seem to get notifications that other people had replied to my post. So sorry if it seemed I didn't care.
You have all given some great advice and support it has lifted my spirits. I'm not on any social media and I think that's where I've struggled to look for groups. I don't really want to go onto social media again, though if it's a way to connect with people in the area or find out about things this might have to be considered.
I am very lucky in that my husband is very supportive and caring.
Thank you all again so much! I really do appreciate everyone's input it really does help to clear the mind and look at things from a more fresh viewpoint. My thoughts were becoming rather stagnant and stuck on missing home and my parents.
 

shash

shash
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Thank you everyone for your time to reply and I'm sorry I didn't seem to get notifications that other people had replied to my post. So sorry if it seemed I didn't care.
You have all given some great advice and support it has lifted my spirits. I'm not on any social media and I think that's where I've struggled to look for groups. I don't really want to go onto social media again, though if it's a way to connect with people in the area or find out about things this might have to be considered.
I am very lucky in that my husband is very supportive and caring.
Thank you all again so much! I really do appreciate everyone's input it really does help to clear the mind and look at things from a more fresh viewpoint. My thoughts were becoming rather stagnant and stuck on missing home and my parents.
Emeraldtiger ah! We dont get notifications on here as in a ping sound. Good idea though to have notifications on our posts me thinks.
Also it's good to read that you have a supportive husband, a husbands support is what makes all the difference. And great that you feel other views have made a difference. Stick with us for anything at any time you like as we are all here to help and share experiences. Sometimes we have a laugh sometimes we might shed a tear other times we might just be miffed but all in all it seems our common connection and experiences keeps us going.
Would love to know what winter is like in Bursa??
 

TLF Admin

Administrator
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
You can 'Watch' a thread in which case you will get notification by email and it will be highlighted in your alerts, you can also book mark any post to keep an eye on different posts.

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Emeraldtiger

New Member
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Emeraldtiger ah! We dont get notifications on here as in a ping sound. Good idea though to have notifications on our posts me thinks.
Also it's good to read that you have a supportive husband, a husbands support is what makes all the difference. And great that you feel other views have made a difference. Stick with us for anything at any time you like as we are all here to help and share experiences. Sometimes we have a laugh sometimes we might shed a tear other times we might just be miffed but all in all it seems our common connection and experiences keeps us going.
Would love to know what winter is like in Bursa??
Hello Shash it's definitely not as cold as Scotland 😂 but the past few days here there has been a good amount of snow. My husband hasn't seen this amount of snow for a few years, unless of course you go to the top of Uludağ mountain 😁 we have 4 cats who all got to experience snow for the first time on our balcony which was very amusing they were having so much fun, but soon wanted to be warm and cosy 😊 My parents back in Scotland just have rain and wind and when I show them the sun is shining and my dad wishes he was here haha. I can't wait till these travel restrictions get better so my parents can come visit us.
 

shash

shash
Hello Everyone struggling with new life in Turkey
Hello Shash it's definitely not as cold as Scotland 😂 but the past few days here there has been a good amount of snow. My husband hasn't seen this amount of snow for a few years, unless of course you go to the top of Uludağ mountain 😁 we have 4 cats who all got to experience snow for the first time on our balcony which was very amusing they were having so much fun, but soon wanted to be warm and cosy 😊 My parents back in Scotland just have rain and wind and when I show them the sun is shining and my dad wishes he was here haha. I can't wait till these travel restrictions get better so my parents can come visit us.
Hello Shash it's definitely not as cold as Scotland 😂 but the past few days here there has been a good amount of snow. My husband hasn't seen this amount of snow for a few years, unless of course you go to the top of Uludağ mountain 😁 we have 4 cats who all got to experience snow for the first time on our balcony which was very amusing they were having so much fun, but soon wanted to be warm and cosy 😊 My parents back in Scotland just have rain and wind and when I show them the sun is shining and my dad wishes he was here haha. I can't wait till these travel restrictions get better so my parents can come visit us.
Hi Emeraldtiger sounds like it's nice to have some rare snow in Bursa. I've never been to this area so decided to look it up. What an interesting place to be living. Wikipedia is so good for getting info with a few pictures. When you get time try and put us a photo or two on here as I'm sure there will be others that would like to see some.....
Hopefully travel will become possible in the next few months. We have to stick with the...rules...for now. How's the situation in Bursa, is everyone masked up and being careful? We can only hope things get better. Hopefully in time for your parents to enjoy a warm visit. I cant wait to get back as I couldn't go in 2020 so fingers crossed. I need to brush up on my Turkish which is a bit easier for me when I'm there......simply because I have to discipline myself 🤣🤣
 

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