Gail

Member
Glorious insults
GLORIOUS INSULTS


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison.." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

”He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx
 
Glorious insults
I understand the Mogul Empire yilded unconditionally at the mere threat of one of these dreaded insults, and if I am correctly informed, Charles l went whistling to his execution with the promise that he would be spared insults.
:w00t:
 
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pineapple1

I Love Kleopatra Beach !
Glorious insults
If you'll forgive me for not answering your question i'll forgive you for asking it !!! Diane
 

mollag

Kipper restorer
Glorious insults
Thora Hird to a yuppie power dressed lady PA.

Scuse me love but did you buy that outfit from a catalogue ?

She replied

I most certainly did not!

Thora back in with

Thats a pity cos you would have been able to send it back!


[its a girl thing guys, i dont get it either]
 

Akasya

Postless Pointer
Glorious insults
Denis Healey referring to Geoffrey Howe " as to being savaged by a dead sheep "

Steve.
 
Glorious insults
"My God Sir, you're ugly!"

"I'm afraid thats hardly my fault!"

"Agreed: but you could have stayed at home!"

WG Grace
 
Glorious insults
Decapitating racists: "I understand that you are ready to die for your country, being a Nationalist and all. I am truly grateful for your spirit of sacrifice and would request that you do so...now if you please." :angry:

Obviously this is best done at a safe distance, preferably online.
 

Saoirse

Moderator
Top Poster Of Month
Glorious insults
my hero for one liners is WC Fields

I remember being at a theme park and there was a man going around dressed as him.

He repeatedly gave out his infamous phrases to people as he passed them. I followed him for about half an hour just to hear his wit-brilliant
 

tonybhoy

Member
Glorious insults
my hero for one liners is WC Fields

I remember being at a theme park and there was a man going around dressed as him.

He repeatedly gave out his infamous phrases to people as he passed them. I followed him for about half an hour just to hear his wit-brilliant
have you still got that restraining order saoirse :goof:
 

Bill & Linda

Senior Members
Glorious insults
You can take all the sincerity in hollwood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producers heart.

Fred Allen.
 

nanamo

Member
Glorious insults
Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Groucho Marx.

Grandchildchildren dont make a man feel old: its the knowledge they are married to grannies. ?

The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.

Few women admit their age - few men act theirs - anon

You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. Woody Allen.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age. Lucille Ball.

Taken from the book a dear friend bought me for my recent 'not 59 any more' birthday. Still not read it all - eyesight failing lol
 
Glorious insults
Back to glorious insults.

Losing cowboy: "You're a bastard". Winning cowboy: "Yes, but in my case it was an accident. In yours, you are a self made man"

From the final scene of a western I caught the end of on TV of some years ago. I never did discover its title.

One of the best, from Winston Churchill:

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, You're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."

:biggrin:
 

james1873

Member
Glorious insults
I saw Billy Connolly many years ago and during the show, in response to a loud mouthed heckler, Billy uttered the never to be forgotten words, "Son, Its Chunts like you that make me believe in abortions".
 

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