Football jokes

[Akasya]

Putin declares Chelsea an independent protectorate of Russia

View attachment 26546

To protect Chelsea supporters from the oppression of the premier league table, Vladimir Putin has declared his intention to intervene in London on ‘humanitarian grounds’.

Vladimir Putin declares Chelsea an independent protectorate of Russia

To protect Chelsea supporters from the oppression of the premier league table, Vladimir Putin has declared his intention to intervene in London on ‘humanitarian grounds’.

newsthump.com

Oleg's wife will break both his legs if he destabilises the shopping in Mayfair , be warned Baris .
Steve

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[yalimart]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[dearsley]

Erling Haarland arrives at Manchester City for his medical.

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[enoch]

Things will never change football will always be a load of balls.

 

[Derek Payne]

Cristiano Ronaldo has his first Parenting Lesson with his new Baby.

"Right, let's make a start", says the Parenting Midwife,

"What should you do, if it starts Crying and having a Massive Tantrum"..??

"Tell him to get up off the fecking Floor",

"And then show him a Yellow Card",

*

Replies, Bella the BABY.

 

[Derek Payne]

So Paul Gascoigne has been awarded £188,250 damages from the Mirror newspaper -



Or in terms Gazza understands - 103,292 cans of Carling Special Brew.

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

 

[Derek Payne]

After England's latest 0 - 4 drubbing at Home to Hungary.


England manager Gareth Southgate has set up a Friendly Match for the England team.


It's against Iceland.


It's aimed at trying to cheer the Fans up, before the Qatar 2022 World Cup.


If they Win that game, they'll Play....



A Tesco's XI next Saturday and then an Asda/Walmart combined XI, on the following Wednesday..

 

[Derek Payne]

I was 8 Years Old when it happened.

Uncle Terry came into my room, The Sun was shining and I was looking forward to another nice day.

But, as Young as I was, I knew what his Intentions were straight away.

I was very Small for my Age, but still I fought as hard as I could.

He was just so big, so strong,

He forced me to do that terrible thing and I was powerless to stop him,

The Shame, The Hurt, The Pain and Total Confusion ruined my Childhood.

And to this day I still wake up Crying about it.

But I was luckier than some,


Because that was the One and Only Time, I was forced to wear an England Soccer Shirt...

 

[IbrahimAbi]

 

[Derek Payne]

After Signing for a New Club.

The Manager told me. "He would be Pulling Me Off, at Half Time",

"Fecking Hell Boss", I said.


"We only used to get a Orange, at Man Utd".

 

[yalimart]

 

[yalimart]

If Man United had signed Gerrard at his peak, this is what their midfield would have looked like.