Football Jokes
I was up at Old Trafford today speaking to the Head Groundsman.


"That Pitch is in terrific condition" I said.


"It fecking well ought to be" he replied.




"Cos we put millions of pounds worth of sh1t on it every week"...
 
Football Jokes
I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's closet and decided to give all his Old Clothes to the local Oxfam Charity Shop.

I handed over the Bag of Clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it.

When a horrified expression formed on her Face.

"How dare you bring this Uniform in to my Shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a Sick Symbol of Pain, Shame and Humiliation"..?!?!?


Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the Bag.

"I'm truly sorry" I said.




"I had no idea he was a Man Utd fan"..???
 
Football Jokes
Lionel Messi goes up to a girl in a Nightclub and says,


"Get your coat lass, yer gettin pumped tonight".


"Jesus"..?!?!? the lass says,



"Aren't you being a Little Forward"..??
 
Football Jokes
A bloke walks into a brothel and says,

"I'm a bit Kinky, how much for Total Humiliation"..??

The madam replies "£50".

"Wow, what do I get for that," he says,

She says,


"An Arsenal football shirt and a Season Ticket".
 
Football Jokes
Cadbury's have announced they are set to sponsor the Premier League next Season.

And have decided to assign each team with one of their products:

Man Utd will be "Turkish Delight" as nobody likes them.

Chelsea will be a "Freddo" as they continue to become more and more expensive.

Arsenal will be a "Creme Egg" because you won't see them after Easter.


Leicester will be a "Flake" because they appear to be quite good but then they just Crumble..
 

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