feeling guilty

[arrian]

my husband has emphysema/copd, in recent weeks he has had 4 lots of antibiotics, and has been out of the house 3 times since 1st dec.daughters christmas day, twice to doctors.
today his friend, 75, has taken him out to see another friend.
i am enjoying being on my own for a few hours without having to see to all his needs, i am getting jobs done that have been waiting, why do i feel guilty? unless you have been in my position you wont know what it is like. i have to do so many things for him, and i do these things because i love him, not because i have to do. i'm actually feeling quite tearful writing this, and i don't know why! billy has given us both a break, so i should be enjoying it, but for some reason i'm not!!!

sorry, self pity over, got myself a whisky and ginger ale, and going to savour it good and proper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:27:

 

[yalimart]

enjoy the moment arrian !

martin

 

[nanamo]

Dont feel guilty - if you dont look after yourself who is going to look after him. I expect he's having a great time too, so enjoy, relax and pour another drink.

 

[Harem]

Don't feel guilty. I have been in your situation. My first husband had emphysema, plus he had a gallstone which completely filled his gall bladder. I looked after him 24 hours a day 7 days a week for 12 years. I didn't get a single minute's break. I had to do everything for him (including wiping his bum!!!) Even when he was in hospital I didn't get a break as I had to be there from first thing in the morning until late at night and sometimes he even had the staff phone me to get me to the hospital during the night. Make the most of your break, you deserve it, and hope that his friend will give you some more respite time.

 

[arrian]

thankyou Harem, i had read your post on smoking so know about you husband. the thing is, i think, is because you are doing all these things for them, that when you are not, you think you should be!!! does that make sense? hence the feeling of guilt!

p.s he had his gall bladder removed due to pancreatitis, and he hardly drank (mainly due to alcholism) and he's had several other ops so he hasn't had it easy.

 

[giglets]

Arrian,

I admire full-time carers like yourself, more that I can say!

I can only imagine the constant pressure that you are under and hope that you can find some "me time" every so often.
Don't feel remotely guilty about this - you are due it!!

Although I haven't had to face this caring challenge myself, as yet, I have a close relative whose spouse suffered multiple strokes five years ago and I have watched as she copes with all the massive changes to their way of life.
It has been extremely hard for her, but she has adapted and just gets on with it, as best she can.

I think that there can be no greater test of one human being's love for another, than to stand by and comfort them in their time of greatest need.

If it was within my power, I would take all the Honours from the usual bunch of Government lackies and associated chinless wonders, and give them to people like yourself, who really deserve them!

May you and your husband be blessed with as much good fortune as is possible in your circumstances and try to enjoy at least some part of every day you are together.




Dave

 

[carolk]

You just enjoy the day. No guilt, nothing to be guilty for!! :smile:

 

[arrian]

thankyou Giglets. fortunately we have family that we see often, last night my daughter and 2 grand daughters came to see us. my other daughter, recovering from cancer, comes around at least once a week. but sometimes things get you down. and why today, when i have got some "me time" i don't know why!!!! i am normally a very cheerful strong person, who just gets on with whatever is thrown my way, and believe you me, i've had some!!! but today for some reason, i just felt down. thankyou all for your kind words and thoughts.
Arrian xxxxxxxxxx

 

[bebs]

Arrian you deserve this break , make the most of it . Put on some music relax and enjoy that drink ................. Bebs:smile:

 

[Sunny Seasider]

Arrian, please don't feel guilty and enjoy having a few hours for you. Your posts show how very much you love your hubby, and always are thinking about his needs first, you always have a great sense of humour too. We all know that to give and take is so very important, (imho), for a happy marriage to-gether. It is just so unfortunate that your hubby has met with this illness and cannot give as much as he would like. I would imagine that he feels very guilty too, but you both love each other and that's why the guilt is in the forefront of your mind today.

 

[giglets]

Arrian,

Nothing to thank me for, kid!

This "cyber community", for all it's bluster and strong views, has a big, big heart and I am sure that you wll be flooded with messages of goodwill from a long list of members.
I am constantly amazed at the huge diversity of life experiences contained on here.
You are definitely not alone, when you have the wishes and thoughts of so many good people surrounding you.



Dave

 

[arrian]

ahhh, thank you!!! funny thing is, family is always around, but sometimes you feel so alone and you try and hide how unwell someone is!!! some things are embarrassing for him, some things aren't obvious, and i always have to watch out for him, whether it's eating properly, having enough fluids, and so on. i don't say much to family, as i don't want them to feel guilty, as there isn't much they can do, but i sometimes think that they think we are exaggerating(sic). anyway, i've had a couple of whiskys' and i'm feeling much better, thankyou very much!!!! no doubt he'll be home soon and back to normal!

a big thankyou for everyone to listening to me!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Arrianxxxxxxxxx

 

[JEANNIE]

Och Arrian, what a wee shame. Know how you feel, we all need a "greet" at some point. By the way that's Scottish for cry lol.
Victor was at the pain clinic yesterday and he is defo getting his MRI thing as long as he doesn't have metal in his eyes, can you believe that one. He's got metal pins in every other part of his body, practically.
You cry all you like , :19: it's good to get it out of your system.
On second thoughts, don't, cos we need our GG's for our "threads" lol


Jeannie :lol:

 

[arrian]

Och Arrian, what a wee shame. Know how you feel, we all need a "greet" at some point. By the way that's Scottish for cry lol.
Victor was at the pain clinic yesterday and he is defo getting his MRI thing as long as he doesn't have metal in his eyes, can you believe that one. He's got metal pins in every other part of his body, practically.
You cry all you like , :19: it's good to get it out of your system.
On second thoughts, don't, cos we need our GG's for our "threads" lol


Jeannie :lol:

oh, Jeannie, you've made me feel worse now!!!!!! metal in his eyes??? i have limited vision in one eye, but the other eye i'm having probs with! but that sounds so scary!!!!!!!!

 

[JEANNIE]

It's only cos he was doing something years ago and got bits of metal in his eyes, but i'm sure they got it all out lol "Aaaah Grasshopper."


Jeannie

 

[bebs]

oh, Jeannie, you've made me feel worse now!!!!!! metal in his eyes??? i have limited vision in one eye, but the other eye i'm having probs with! but that sounds so scary!!!!!!!!

Now Jeannie see what you have done , made Arrian worse and you had me out all night looking for you . What are you like? Bebs

 

[arrian]

It's only cos he was doing something years ago and got bits of metal in his eyes, but i'm sure they got it all out lol "Aaaah Grasshopper."


Jeannie

h.was a welder, used to get lots of metal bits in his eyes, wonder he's not gone blind!!!!!

 

[Gail]

Arrian I really admire people who are in your position looking after their loved ones, it must be very tiring some days but you still have look after them and i can see from your posts your not a whinger or someone who is looking for pity. You felt guilty when you shouldn't have and then didn't understand your own feelings. You did right in getting it off your chest and having a couple of drinks. I bet your husband has had a lovely time catching up with his friends and so have you except yours are freaky cyber friends :smile: Don't feel guilty get in that kitchen a do some bl$$dy cooking for that man of yours. :lol: Next time you're on your own try and do something that you really like doing and find difficult to do whilst looking after your hubby and just enjoy xxx

 

[jewel]

Sometimes its nice to have someone do something nice for you,and sometimes the person you are careing for takes it for granted (not saying yours does Arrian ) so you feel your existance is just for the other person and in the mean time your life is passing you by.I remember in an earlier post you said how much you wished to go back to Turkey and because of your hubbys illness you were unable....so perhaps you feel a little resentment for his illness, nothing wrong in that my love ,think most of us would. The reason you are crying is that you have just got some time to yourself to reflect on this,and so you are feeling guilty.There is nothing wrong with sometimes thinking of ourselfs (we all have but 1 life) so have your little cry and your whisky (but not too much as you know that can make you maudling (sad) and do what you know you will do and thats carry on doing your best.Thoughts are with you. jewel x

 

[val2661]

Arrian, you should certainly not feel guilty. My mother suffered from exactly the same symptoms and my sister and I did the main part of the caring, as well as having jobs and families. I can remember trying to put across to my dad how my patience was being really tried and he quickly put me in my place by saying I'll make sure I won't ask you to look after me if I become ill. I had an awful guilt trip that day!!!! You are obviously a really caring and loving person and should enjoy any moment you get to yourself.

Enjoy the whisky!!

Val
x