Dearly beloved ***** off again!
Well the Dearly Beloved left for a 3 week stay at our villa in Yalikavak just 48 hours ago and already I'm in a right old 'two and eight'.
After dropping him at the station I decided that the thing to do was to treat myself to an hour in the bath, big glass of wine and a soak in bubbles and self pity.
All is going fine until I decide to do the legs and, with soap in my eyes, I mistakenly used his favourite razor which I have now blunted beyond further use. He bought said razor in Cambridge, a mere 120 miles from us and am now toying with the idea of the journey.
Having finished the wine, the legs in ribbons, I step carefully from the bath and discover that Elvis has bought me a present - a dead bird minus head! I should explain that Elvis is a recently adopted huge male cat with an engaging grin and some appauling habits (shades of the dearly beloved himself there) and he simply doesn't understand my reactions when he has been out for a 'take-away' and brings the results home.
So now I'm a bit tiddly, legs in ribbons, standing on the loo seat in the altogether wondering what the dickens to do about the dead bird since it is quite beyond me to deal with it
Should I shout from the window in the slim chance someone might walk by - no chance around here and anyway I've not a stitch on and my clothes are in the bedroom, the other side of the dead bird.
Feeling a bit chilly now and begining to panic, Elvis is now actually rolling around clutching his belly and obviously laughing his head off. Dogs no help one being deaf and the other frightened of Elvis.
Then - salvation. In walks Megan (another recently adopted tiny cat) who smartly belts Elvis, picks up remains of 'take-away' and strolls out.
I think I might finish the bottle - just to ensure I fully recover you understand.
Should I risk getting the ladders out to strip the window frames or should I quit while the going is getting better.


Dearly beloved ***** off again!
Ha I love your "life Chapters".

I do remember water being an issue last time you were left alone!!!!!

Go for Nair creme not his razor. But if you must replace order on the internet, don't drive 120 miles! You never know what trouble you'll get into going that distance.

Debbie - keep 'em coming! But do look after yourself :) Xx

Sunny Seasider

Life is so precious
Dearly beloved ***** off again!
Just enjoy your freedom to be alone with oneself and the animals. BTW I prefer wax strips myself..................


Dearly beloved ***** off again!
LOL, you tell a good tale, last year when you gave us your account of being left at home, I remember thinking there is no way I would let my other half go to Yalikavak for weeks without this year I got him to leave me here while he went back to the UK to work to pay the bills! (I love you Peter)


Dearly beloved ***** off again!
doo doo doo doo do Is this deja vu ... I think this is where I came in last year when I first joined TLF. I remember joining in with a bit of comic banter when last the DB departed the homestead. I must say that I have missed your tales of daily life and thought that you had disappeared into a haze and was gone forever (off to buy a Camper Van as I recall). Anyhow I am glad to see that nothing undertoward of the fatal kind has befell you and can only assume yourself and DB have been rather busy and enjoying each other's company. I must say I think you are probably safer when he is around. For your sake I hope he is not away too long this year and has taken precautionary measures before leaving to ensure your safety, land-filling the garden pond comes to mind.

My advice, as always, is whilst he is away enjoy some relaxation in the garden with a good book and a bottle or two of wine and desist from making work for yourself - some things can take care of themselves.

"Be careful out there"



Dearly beloved ***** off again!
For the past few days I have been taking an elderly neighbour to the hospital to visit his wife - who I think is just in there to have a rest from him!
He strides down his drive clasping both walking sticks under his arm, flings the sticks in the back of the car and off we go. He is 90 years old.
As we set off he sayes he has heard that my husband is away, and since his wife is also absent perhaps we should 'get it together'!
He is wearing the most remarkable hat, broad brimmed and embroidered in the sort of colours that would make even the average Turk reach for the sunglasses. Because he is very deaf (?) in order to hear me he leans right across me as I am driving, his ample purple nose level with my not very ample cleavage. To oncoming traffic I must appear to be driving with a multicoloured hat clasped to my bosom.
Yesterday he did not answer the door and my imagination had him dead on the floor somewhere within. Other neighbours finally produced a key and we fearfully crept in - to find a totally empty house. No Les. No hat. It turned out that he went off with friends for lunch in a nearby town - strawberries for desert apparently. Oh good.
Now he wants me to go and 'inspect his courgettes' and my imagination is once again in overdrive.
Apparently the secret to his longevity is a bottle of good, very good red wine each night - that and flirting with temporarily abandoned wives of course.
Dearly beloved ***** off again!
"Apparently the secret to his longevity is a bottle of good, very good red wine each night "

That explains the purple nose then!

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