"Corny Jokes".

[Derek Payne]

I was going to tell you a Joke about the Royal Mail,

But I've decided, I better not,



Cos, it's all about the "DELIVERY".

 

[Derek Payne]

As I put my Car into Reverse.

I then thought to myself.



"Wow, this takes me Back".

 

[Derek Payne]

I was walking around, minding my own business, when I got attacked by the Pavement..??

Yep, guys.



It was a Physco-Path

 

[IbrahimAbi]

My dad was magic. Really. Every time he walked down the street he turned into a bar.

 

[Derek Payne]

Landed on my Feet again..



Just got a job at the Trampoline Factory.

 

[Derek Payne]

A Moth goes into a Doctor's office,

Doctor says, "What seems to be the Problem"..???

The Moth says,

"Well you see Doc, I've been beginning to think, what's the point of it all".??

"I only seem to be on this earth to Eat, Breed and Die, Life seems so Pointless and Empty".

The Doc says,

"Well, I think you really should be speaking to a Phycologist or a Therapist rather than a Doctor"..??

"Anyway, what made you come to see me"..??

*


"Well, your Light was On".

 

[Derek Payne]

Logic says the Screw I just dropped, should be by my Feet.

But, Science says,

*


It`s under the Sofa, in the another Room, in somebody else’s House,

 

[mollag]

Even more civil unrest

 

[Derek Payne]

I've just got a new job at a factory that makes Bicycle Wheels.


I'm their new "Spokes-Man".

 

[mollag]

Defense ------ Caribbean speak for what the horse jumps over.





Defeat------Caribbean speak for the first part of the horse over defense.






Detail------Caribbean speak for the last part of the horse over defense.

 

[Derek Payne]

So I was watching this Jazz movie last night.

It was a PG but it should have been rated 18.?



Too much Sax and Violins for Me.!

 

[mollag]

 

[mollag]

Spotted a sign in Isle of Man Pet Shop window saying,
"Amsterdam Cats for Sale",
Hmm, iv'e heard of Manx cats, but "Amsterdam" ?----still, I went in and said :-
"How Dutch is that Moggy in the Window".....

 

[Derek Payne]

I'm not saying I'm getting Old.


But, I don't buy Green Bananas anymore.

 

[mollag]

A priest, a Methodist Minister and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic.
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit......

 

[mollag]

Please say an *Amen* for my Wife.
She's in A&E, after getting Stung by a Bee.
She has a Swollen Face, broken nose and Two Black Eyes.
She howled when the Bee Stung her on the Forehead.
Luckily enough for her, I was close enough to smack the Bee with my Shovel.

 

[mollag]

Sad to read that the Turkish inventor of the bullet proof vehicle died today.
R.I.P Ahmet Carr.......

 

[mollag]

There's a guy just sunk his canoe off of the Isle of Man. Apparently he was feeling the cold so he fitted a paraffin stove to his canoe but it melted the hull and he sank..
Just goes to prove you can't have your kayak and heat it.

 

[Derek Payne]

I used to date a Woman Supervisor, with only One Leg who worked at the Brewery.


She was in charge of the Hops.

 

[Derek Payne]

I'm not looking forward to my Canal Boat holiday in Jamaica,


I Dread Lock Holidays.