Sunny Seasider

Life is so precious
Christmas Cracker Jokes
Well the rounds started tonight with our social gang of dinner parties, we've had a lovely night, but instead of the traditional Christmas Dinner, for the first one we've had a delish Home made Thai Dinner, but the crackers were out, and I want to start this thread with the first round of Christmas Cracker Jokes, here goes

Q Why did the mechanic sleep under the car

A He wanted to get up oily in the morning.

Q Why do cows lie down in the rain

A To keep each udder dry.

Q How does Jack Frost get to work

A By Icicles.

Q What do you call a train loaded with toffee

A A chew chew train

Q What do you call a horse with pyjamas

A A Zebra

Q What do hedgehogs have for lunch

A Prickled Onions.

Come on it's Christmas keep the stupid jokes a coming, lol.
 

Sunny Seasider

Life is so precious
Christmas Cracker Jokes
Only know risque ones so sorry, can,t join in.

Most of mine are not for the forum, lol, but these are the cheesy ones that came out of the crackers last night, so squeaky clean. I am trying to get the Christmas Spirit going.

Finished making my holly wreaths for the home today with a nice mug of Mulled Wine, it was very nice too.

:50:
 

immac

Senior Member Has-Been
Christmas Cracker Jokes
The only joke I ever learned:

Q. Where do Cowboys borrow money?

A. The loan arranger.
 

Sunny Seasider

Life is so precious
Christmas Cracker Jokes
Q What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it

A Nothing. It just let out a little wine.


:50:
 

Chris&Cem

Member
Christmas Cracker Jokes
Pulled my first cracker yesterday when we took our 5 yr old great niece on a Santa Safari. She liked this one:

Q. What has 22 legs and 2 wings but can't fly?
A. A football team.

Jane - if you read this I'm trying to contact you to no avail. Send me a PM with your e-mail address please.
 

Yalides

Am I pretty ?
Christmas Cracker Jokes
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.







2. A set of jump leads walk into a bar.

The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'





3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.





4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.





5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'





6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

'Does this taste funny to you ?'





7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'

'Is it common ?'

'Well, It's Not Unusual.'





8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.

'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.





9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.





10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.





11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.







12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs !'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms !'









13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.







14. What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

A fsh.





15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

One turns to the other and says, 'Dam !'







16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were a bit cold, so they lit a fire in the craft.

It sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.







17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,

And were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to

Disperse.

'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.

'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'







18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'









19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,

He suffered from bad breath.


This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.







20 And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.
 

yalicat

Member
Christmas Cracker Jokes
My favourite joke

Why do elephants have big ears?


Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
 

Faralya

Member
Christmas Cracker Jokes
17 Ways To Cook A Turkey
1. Go buy a turkey
2. Take a drink of whisky
3. Put turkey in the oven
4. Take another 2 drinks of whisky
5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
6. Take 3 more whiskys of drink
7. Turk the bastey
8. Whisky another bottle of get
9. Ponder the meat thermometer
10. Glass yourself a pour of whisky
11. Bake the whisky for 4 hours
12. Take the oven out of the turkey
13. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
14. Turk the carvey
15. Get yourself another scottle of botch
16. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
17. Bless the dinner and pass out
 

Robert

Member
Christmas Cracker Jokes
Q. whats green, got six legs and if it fell out of a tree would kill you.



A. A snooker table.



Q. what do you get if you cross a spider with a turkey?:95im:



A. I don.t know, but everyone gets a leg at Christmas!
 

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