bobthenob

Non Active Member
BBQ time
It’s that time of year again, after a long 4 months of winter here in Akbuk when man transforms himself into an expert for outdoor cooking.ls there something in our genes that programs us to take over the cooking in the great outdoors.Maybe it’s because there is an element of danger involved when trying to find different ways to get the bbq going.When a man naturally volunteers to do the Barbie,certain chain of events take place.
1/A Barbie always goes well with several beers lined up for the cook.This enables him to clear his mind of reason and to have a nethandral attitude way of thinking.The grunts and moans are noticeable,which tells you he is now converted to caveman.
2/Always allow the nethandral man to start the fire,lt’s part of his make up to put as much inflammable liquid on the charcoal and set fire to it.Grunts and moans are followed by..ooh!,what happened,while he is standing there with a charred face and singed hair with smoke rising from his head.
3/Never intervene at this point,because you will get comments like..l know what l am doing..or now look what you made me do.
4/As the Barbie is under way in a hours time with his noticeable self inflicted injuries.The beers that were lined up for him were there for the sole purpose to numb the pain when he inflicts injuries on himself.
5/He loves cooking on flame and not heat,which is still a mystery to this type of thinking.Maybe it has something to do with his ancestors make up to not understanding the signs what flames can do to the meat.
6/When the cooked meat is ready to eat and is being dished out by Mr netheradral man with such a smile of achievement,and you haven’t the heart to tell him it’s gross.Then you secretly feed it to the dog that is waiting under the table.
The Woman’s routine in preparing a BBQ is completely different to the man’s way

1/Woman goes and buys the right amount and what is needed
2/She prepares all the salads side dishes and the desserts
3/She prepares all the meats by marinading them in time for the Barbie in the right tray with all the necessary implements for cooking and at the same time waiting on hand and foot for the eager nethandral man at the BBQ with lots of beer
4/Woman has done her part,and now man has to ruin it by placing the meat on the Barbie without the woman's instructions,because she has disappeared into the house to organize all the plates and cutlery on the tables.
5/She disturbed by the smell of burning flesh and drops everything to tell the caveman that the meat is burning on the grill and the top of his head.The caveman grunts and ask if she could bring another beer while he is dealing with the flames on his head and the Barbie that are ten foot high at this point.He always says it is under control,while he still has a beer in his hand.
6/When the flames recedes he takes the charred meat of the grill and hands it to the woman,looking like a negative.
7/The woman then prepares all the salads side dishes and placing the cutlery next to the dishes.She brings the meat to the table in large bowls positioned neatly in the middle of the table.
8After the meal,the guests thanked him for a lovely BBQ and all his efforts.
9/The woman just looks on without any praises from the guest
10/After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes,while the man is telling jokes that are in the dark ages.
11/Woman notices a fireball coming from the BBQ,because of nethandral man decided he'll get the party going by pretending to be a flame swallower,by throwing on more inflammable liquid he spat out from his mouth.He uses the hosepipe to douse out the flames that is coming out from his mouth and the Barbie,but woman's natural instincts tell her to call the fire brigade and instantly thinking of having an affair with a fireman.
The most important thing to remember when organizing a BBQ,is to let woman do all the work ,while man can sit back and relax with his mates,because health and safety issues are involved here.
 
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dalyansteve

Member
BBQ time
Yes, all very true, have resorted to gas bbq as usualy too pissed to cook by the time charcoal was ready. But by then I didn't care.
 

ted j

Member
BBQ time
:77wu:Thanks Bob, Not Laughed So Much In Ages It Reminded Me Of Men Behaving Badly(In Case You Havent Seen It,Tony Built A WOODEN Barbeque. That, The Garden fence And Everything Else Went up In Flames) Ted
 

bobthenob

Non Active Member
BBQ time
:77wu:Thanks Bob, Not Laughed So Much In Ages It Reminded Me Of Men Behaving Badly(In Case You Havent Seen It,Tony Built A WOODEN Barbeque. That, The Garden fence And Everything Else Went up In Flames) Ted

l remember it well Ted.l find the best humour is taking the piss out of reality.
lf we stand back and look at ourselves through a mirrored image of reality.we will have the best laugh of all.
The things humans do to please others is enough ammo for me to take the pee out of.
 

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