August Hoots
On a remote road, in darkest, deepest Scotland.

A Car ground to a Sudden Stop with Engine Trouble, just beside a Farmer's Field..

The Car's Driver shouted to the Farmer, who was working in his Field: -

"Is there a Mechanic anywhere in this area"..???

“Well" said the Farmer,

"I know of some McCallums, McIntoshs and even some MacDonalds,

But nary, have I heard of a McHanic, anywhere around here”..


African Refugee
August Hoots
Four members of the clergy had a theological argument about the intricacies of their practice.
Eventually, the three male ministers were arguing against the one female minister. The woman prayed, "Lord, I know I'm right. Please send us a divine sign to prove that my point is correct."
A big storm cloud materialized, and there was a clap of thunder, "See," said the woman. "It's a sign from above." The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.
"Dear Lord," the woman prayed, "I need a bigger sign." This time a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree. "See! I told you I was right," the woman said. But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn't be explained by natural causes.
"Help me, Lord," the woman implored. And a deep voice came from the heavens: "SSSHHHEEE'S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!!!" The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, "Well?"
"Okay, okay," they said. "But it's still three against two."
August Hoots
I've just been to see my Doctor.

"How can I help you"..??? he asked.

I said,

"I was chilling out this morning listening to 'In The Air Tonight'.

"When suddenly my iPod accidentally slipped up my Arse and now it's jammed stuck"..?!?!?

He stared at me, with a really puzzled look on his face and said,

"Well, I've never heard that one before"..??? says the Doc.,

I said,


"It's a Phil Collins song."

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